It's All About the Wordplay

I've got some quirks. 
Peeves, you could call them. 
I think they're super normal, but others might disagree. 
One such peeve that I think we can all agree on is grammar. 
I am a proud, card-carrying member of the Grammar Nazis
(which sounds pretty bad, so I hope that that's not taken out of context
or something's omitted or whatever). 

Believe it or not, I can't spend too much time on the social medias
because there are people there. 
People who think that the internets are a giant playground
where mistakes can't be held against you. 
Guess what, Internet scum?

I'm here and I've got plenty of time on my hands. 

Set AND stone
What do you think this means?
Your plans are set and then stoned?
"I was thinking about going out tonight, but nothing's set and stoned."
Well, that's a relief. 
Wouldn't want to stone something unnecessarily. 

Could care less

See what she did there?

"I could care less about that jerk."
Think about this for one second. 
Let's logic this one out, together. 
If you could care less, then you care at least some amount. 
On a scale of 0 to 10, you're at least at "what I have for lunch". 
Mabes not fully invested, but you obvi don't want something nasty. 
You care a wee bit. 
You're trying to prove you don't care, 
despite the despair brought on by that guy rejecting you.
If you're going for nonchalant because that jerk just insulted you, 
try looking semi-intelligent at the same time. 

It is what it is

Are you serious. 
Do you know how much is going on when you speak?
There's sound waves, and nasal tract, and lungs, and brain, and tons of other parts. 
You decided that "it is what it is" was worth all of that. 
You would have been better off saying nothing
because that is essentially what you said--nothing. 
No progress was made in the conversation. 
No grand conclusion or insightful statement or solved problem. 
Congratulations, you have successfully stated that the current situation
is still the current situation. 
I'm glad we are all on the same page. 

Doggy-dog world

Despite Snoop Dee-oh-double-G's professional opinion, 

this is not right. 
If that were the saying, it would mean something awesome. 
Because a doggy-dog world would be full of happiness
and tummy rubs and snacks. 
Instead, a world in which a dog is eating another dog
is just the worst, 
which is the actual sentiment of this saying. 
I hereby decree that "doggy-dog world" now means super great. 
If the Workaholics guys can change meanings, so can I. 

Literally…

This goes right along with the people who say "I can't" and leave it at that. 
Really. 
You literally can't?
Are you literally dying too?
The only person allowed to use this word is Chris Traeger. 

Stupid people have hijacked language & I'm on a mission to win it back. 
I feel like a Blues Brother or something.