We Found [No] Love in a Hopeless Place

It's been a while...again. I've been going through some shit. I normally try not to gratuitously curse, but it's not gratuitous. Everything is awful, terrible, cry-your-eyes-out shit.

But it's made my sense of humor darker (if possible) so there's always a silver lining, right?

I never wanted to blog about my relationship. It seemed too jinx-y and intimate. But luckily, I'm not in a relationship anymore. 😐

Note: This may seem inappropriately soon and make it appear like the relationship didn't mean anything to me. If only you knew. Humor is Stages 1-5 of my 5-stage grief management process. So shut your stupid mouth.

Breakups are hard. Breakups in law school defy description. This is how I've been surviving: 

Law School Breakup Survival Kit

>> Seating Charts

All the law school prep books recommend against sitting next to your significant other in class. I understand that now. On the bright side, it gives us a chance to chat that we probably wouldn't take otherwise + forced interaction may be the best way to push past this and be friends. (Like, actual friends. It's possible, damnit.)

>> WINE

As Donna Meagle says, "Wine is crying juice." And she is far from wrong. 

>> Terrible-wonderful food

There's an ancient San Antonian remedy that is said to cure nearly anything: chips and salsa. One of the few exceptions to this panacea: obesity. I've been doing a lot of emotional eating recently. Like...too much. I'm basically ensuring that I will never find anyone else unless I go on one of those gross fetish dating sites for chubby chasers. But it's helping to numb the pain in my heart...unless that's just the feeling of my arteries clogging. 

>> Distractions

To attempt to counteract the assault I've been launching on my bod via grief grub, I've maintained my gym schedule. I've also doubled down on work for school, requested extra tasks for journal, and started some recreational reading. I spend a lot of time in the sub-basement at school (which is just as cheery as it sounds) because I get more accomplished when my surroundings reflect my mood + there are people nearby. Literally anything to keep my mind off of the tragic void that is my life.

>> Television

Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Video. Another distraction technique. I'm now involved in approximately 18 television shows. I'm living vicariously through fictional characters. I think I'm handling this breakup in a completely healthy manner, right?

>> Really fantastic friends who let you cry in public without judgment

Or if they are judging, they don't say anything. And that's just as nice. Nail salons, bars, restaurants, the parking lot of the law school--there really isn't a place that is off-limits to my emotions. But really, my friends have been great. I'm working harder on socializing, so that can be the good thing that comes out of this...I guess. 

In all honesty, I'm going to be okay. Don't read this as a cry for help. I'm currently wallowing in my sorrows with relish. It turns out I'm super good at mourning. We all have our skill set. 

Mary Angela and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today has been a day. 

I got to work and was immediately yelled at for not doing something

that I actually did a month ago. 

(My office is the definition of competent.)

 My time-off request still hadn't been approved after nearly two weeks.

Construction workers were simultaneously 

jack hammering and power-washing right outside my window.

My "sensitive" co-worker cried in her office and went home early.

I only had one cup of coffee this morning. 
AND I had to drink it with regular milk, instead of my usual hazelnut creamer. 
Just the worst. 

Days like this call for a survival kit:

A Nebuchadnezzar of wine // I don't want to sound greedy, but that's how much it would take to de-stress at this point. Also, these names are super cool. I only want to drink wine by the "Methuselah". 

Warby Parker Welty glasses // I adore my specs, especially after a long, headache-inducing day. The last thing I want to do is stress the ole eyeballs while viewing the latest Downton. 

Decision-making toolkit // Nobody wants to make difficult decisions after a hard day. I am notorious in my family for being unable to make even the smallest of decisions. On road trips, 

we would spend way too long in gas stations waiting for me to pick a snack. 

Chips & queso // Maybe it's being from San Antonio, but large quantities of melted cheese can solve most problems. 

Harry Potter // Any book, most movie. Although, I might get sad again when I come to the realization (for the millionth time) that HP isn't real life. 

Shoes // I insist that a beautiful pair of "shiny ponies" could be a panacea for all the world's problems. Hitler was probs just angry that his shoes were so ugly (kiddingggggg). 


The best I can do right now is a bag of honey mustard pretzels & 
a pirated copy of Order of the Phoenix + my glasses because my head already hurts. 
But let's be real, 
I am absolutely fine settling for that.