20 Things All 20-Somethings LOVE

This will be therapeutic and not at all sarcastic, I promise. Take a deep breath in while we count up...

1. Panic attacks

Don't act like you know me, WebMD.

Consider me an expert. I didn't used to be this emotional, I promise. Anxiety is just suuuuch a jerk. Finals are coming, so (naturally) I found myself sobbing my way through Lady Macbeth's "unsex me" soliloquy while NOT studying and watching animal youtube videos last weekend. 

2. Bank statements

In today's world of disappearing snapchats and unfriendable friends, why on earth would I want a written account of my mistakes?

3. Grad school

No one wants to rack up MORE debt, but it's necessary for any sort of decent job. The last time I celebrated "no school ever againnnnn!", I ended up hating my job and having two options: go back to school to become an administrator, or go back to school for something entirely different. I will never jinx myself like that ever again. If this whole lawyer thing doesn't work out, I'm taking an new path altogether - trophy wife. No BA, or JD, or MBA (or anything but DDs) necessary. 

4. Possibly having to move back in with your parents

I did this for a couple of months before law school, and it really doesn't have to be so bad. But let it go too long, and there is a definite danger of devolving into your high school self. Not cute. 

5. #PicturePerfect Insta

@laurenconrad. whatever. 

No, I'm not married to a former rockstar with a cool name, I don't have my own adorable AND charitable business, and my life isn't constantly bathed in soft light. I confess to following all of those #BWB accounts and getting all bent out of shape that my life isn't as beautiful/colorful/fun. WHY DON'T I HAVE A GIANT INFLATABLE SWAN?

6. Insomnia

This should have been right after "Panic attacks", because this seems like a chicken-or-the-egg situation. The anxiety causes me to not sleep, except maybe I can't properly deal with my anxiety because of the insomnia. I'm either not sleeping at all, or getting AWFUL sleep. Last night, I dreamed of a child serial killer (THANKS, CRIM LAW). There's no winning. 

7. Fake FOMO

I'm a rather difficult creature, in this regard. I get slight FOMO, but I also only want to stay at home forever. However, I get the feeling that this isn't so rare. It seems like everyone wants to stay in and Netflix on the weekends. So why can't we all just admit it? Stop pretending that you have the energy to stand in crowded bars and yell at people over the pounding music. Just stop. Succumb to it. Pour yourself a glass of wine, curl up in your Snuggie, and binge-watch your trashy TV of choice.

8. Networking Happy Hours

I have literally nothing to offer anyone, job-wise. There is no way to present that in an attractive manner. Whoever decided it would be a good idea to mix job-poor people with an alcohol-rich environment deserves the cruelest and most unusual punishment.

9. Modern dating

I have legitimately never heard anyone say that they love the way dating has changed with the times. Maybe I hang out with a weird group, but every. single. person I have talked with wonders what happened. Beyond the modern feminist that I am, I used Tinder for a hot minute and was just super scandalized. I have heard some Tinder success stories, but that was NOT my experience. I'm not demanding much: ask me out, feed me a meal, converse with me like a human. In fact, the meal is optional because I know a lot of us are poor students. JUST DON'T LEAD WITH A SEXUAL INNUENDO (in your end-o [I'm sorry, I had to (that's what she said)]). <-- I apologize for that punctuation.

10. Underemployment

I've complained about this before. But, at the law firm I worked for, I was the only person, aside from the attorneys, with a college degree. And I got paid the least. 



And because that was thoroughly depressing, here's some things we really love. 
So exhale as we count down...


10. Remix to Ignition
I've found that this is universal. Everyone simply loves this song. 

This man: famous for urinating on girls, getting Trapped in the Closet, and bringing together an entire generation. We should probably just blast this on the intercom at Gitmo. 

9. Happy Hour

No pressure to network. Not the intensity of a real night out. Just a lot of decently-priced alcohol and the option to not speak to anyone.

8. Trips back to undergrad

In what world would I not want to relive my college days--excessive drinking, silly dance parties, weird sleeping locations, and all--without the stress of actually being in college? If ever there comes a day when I willingly turn that down, put me out of my misery. 

7. New friends

Making friends post-grad was super difficult, at first. That's probably because I was teaching at a school where the mean age of the teachers was about 40. When your co-workers can't stop talking about how young you are, there's probably not a great possibility of friendship. My policy: as long as you're old enough to drink with me, we're good. In law school, this has spurred a number of friendships I never could have anticipated. Misery loves company & company loves alcohol. I think that's how that saying goes. 
6. New relationships

Blah blah blah I'mbeingsappyeverythingiswonderfulmoveon blah blah blah

But really. For those of us who lived in a bubble for 4 years and then stayed in that bubble for 2 more years (ahem), new possibilities are kind of great. UD was a super incestuous place, which was just disconcerting. The idea of dating someone completely unknown is scary and exciting and something real adults might do. Schweird. 

5. Spontaneity

Sure, I choose to Netflix most nights. But, oh, the possibilities! There were plenty of times when I would get off work from Anthro at 11 or 12, and someone would call about getting drinks at the Rustic (Emilyyyyyyyy). And I worked every Saturday at 8 AM, but that didn't stop me from hitting Katy Ice House on Friday night. Nowadays, I make the responsible choice, but I like knowing that I have the freedom to do whatever I waaaaant (within reason, because money or whatever). 

4. Imperfection

So all of that stuff I mentioned about those enviable Insta accounts remains true. Except in the time it took them to filter the hell out of that picture of their lobster-stuffed avocado and cilantro-lime margarita with artistically-placed sunglasses and perfectly-manicured hand (SO MANY HYPHENATIONS JUST THEN), I drank 3 margaritas + ate a couple of street tacos and now we're playing Cards Against Humanity while trying to make as many legal puns as possible. So I'll take my unfiltered, imperfect (but still Instagrammable) life. 

3. Wine

When I was growing up, my parents weren't the lushes they are now (loooooove y'all!). But I can remember my mom having a glass of wine every now and then, and I thought it was just weird and unknown and adult. Once I started student teaching & working, I understood. Post-work wine is not a luxury; it is a necessity for survival (mine and everyone else's). As a type this, I'm sitting down to my I-just-studied-constitutional-law-all-day glass of wine. It's wine or a bullet through my brain. Wine is a lot less messy. 

2. Complaining

Do you remember how this blog started in the first place? A surplus of sarcasm + an insatiable need for attention + a shortage of employment = PWG. The instability of your 20s makes it the perfect time for blaming anyone and everyone for your insignificant problems. Dig real deep; I'm sure you can find some way your getting charged extra for guac is right up there next to the persecution of Christians in the Middle East.

1. Schmidt

There is no rhyme or reason to this list. I apologize. I couldn't think of another thing we all love, and then I realized that, just like Remix to Ignition, I've never heard of anyone who hates Schmidt. He's the perfect combination of attractive + awkward + smug + Jewish. And as I have a strange love for all things Semitic, he's obviously my favorite. 

This may be the last time you hear from me. Ever. I have an 8-hour Constitutional Law exam on Tuesday, so I anticipate that killing me. I leave no Will, as I haven't taken that class yet, so everyone can just divide my garments by lot. I remember reading about that somewhere (kiddinggggg). But really, wish me luck or help me cheat. One of the two.

Currently: I Fought the Law and the Law Won

reading | um, more like avoiding reading. 

writing | STOP PRESSURING ME TO BE PRODUCTIVE. 

listening | this super depressing playlist I found on Spotify. Because I am an emo child and I need my music to reflect/amplify my mood. But also, I can't stop listening to The Last Goodbye from the Hobbit. Pippin got infinitely more attractive when he revealed his musical abilities.

thinking | Is this Quarter Life Crisis, Part 2 OR just your average another-semester-of-law school breakdown? If it's the former, does that mean I've been in a continuous life crisis for months now without realizing it? And if it's the latter, I have at least 4 more breakdowns to looks forward to (if I only have one per semester - HA!). Is this what depression feels like? Do I have an anxiety disorder? Am I just being dramatic (duh)?

watching | The Good Wife. Big Law looks terrifying and fun and I don't think I want any part in it. But every so often, I know the legalisms they're talking about on the show and I feel super smart. So there's that. HOWEVER, they just killed off the love of my life, so I'm currently traumatized and unable to read for class. my professors will accept that excuse, right?

smelling | nothing? is my nose no longer working? do I have nose cancer? just another thing to worry about. 

hoping | there is no hope. (I just realized that I've said that before. it remains true.)

wearing | boxers + a t-shirt. so seductive.

loving | the repeal of the 18th Amendment (see below) and the weather lately!

drinking | red wine. duh.

wanting | the entire Lilly Pulitzer for Target line. good grades. better motivation. a beach body. relief from at least some of the things that are stressing me out. a furry friend to pet. 

needing | to remember to set the coffee for tomorrow morning. If I could afford servants, I would have one whose only job was to brew coffee & make it perfectly according to my preferences. 

feeling | overwhelmed. but as a great/crazy lady once said: "There's no crying in law school. Either Tom Hanks or Thomas Jefferson said that. Or both. I think both." 

So we shall overcome. Is that an inappropriate reference for a privileged white girl to make? Whatever. 

clicking | The Catholic Church finally getting on my level?  Yes, please. 

Groundhoggin'

Groundhog. I can't even believe it was already two weeks ago. The weather was absolutely atrocious, but that just made it even more fun. We all got soaked + walked back in the mud + destroyed Old Mill even more than it already was. I say it every year, but this was my favorite Groundhog. This could be hindsight & rose-colored glasses & all of those other things, but the week-long recovery was worth it. [A week-long recovery might mean that I'm getting too old for this, but I refuse to acknowledge such implications.]

Dre's engagement party on Friday night.

The creepiest of photo booths & I love it.

Jake's face. That is all. 

Bests: snuggles & crushers.

The Circus turns into Beer Olympics every year.

Such a perfect depiction of GHog.

These two photosets are my proudest accomplishments, to date. I did this during class, and I was definitely getting some judgmental stares from the people around me. 

The Cuddle Cave. I've never felt so disgusting and comfortable at the same time.

Em & Jake being all thankful in Thanksgiving Square.

The face of someone who does NOT want to go home.

Aaaaaand Teresa came & of course we got no pictures, so business as usual. 

Now, with Lent in a few days, I get to reflect on the state of my life. I have been somewhat of a hot mess recently. I've gone out more than I should, meaning I've consumed more alcohol than I should, meaning I've done stupid things more than I should. So I'm in official detox. I've loaded up my phone with all sorts of Catholic apps, I'm doubling down on this whole law school thing, and adulthood will at least be feigned. Gird your loins, because I'm giving up alcohol + turning my diet into a clean eating keto. It's going to be ruff. 

I'm off to pray a decade of the rosary for every weird, drunk, embarrassing thing I've done recently. If I start now, I'll be done in a few months. 

An Unfunny Explanation

I just had a weird emotional breakdown (first one of law school!) and cried while online shopping and bought another pair of cowboy boots. I don't need another pair. I can't afford another pair. And yet, they will be arriving next week. #treatyoself?

I think law school has made me tremendously unfunny.

I don't blog very much anymore, and there are several reasons for that. 
Obviously, I don't have a ton of time or energy. It seems like I have to choose between getting enough sleep // accomplishing everything for class // having a social life ... and I can only pick one. We all know I can sacrifice a social life without a thought, so I've decided on a rather stressful, grey area between sleep & work -- I read mostly everything for class and I get almost enough sleep. Which just leaves me super anxious about being called on in class & still too tired to focus. Screw waterboarding -- we should just enroll terrorists in law school. 

Another reason I haven't been posting as often is my inability to find funny things to blog about. My ego's not so huge that I think you guys want to hear my every thought on every subject. This started as a comedy thing, and I shouldn't trick y'all into listening to me rant about my fears for the future and hatred of singledom and the trials of having any sort of religion in law school -- unless it's witty, right? And now that I'm surrounded by not-likeminded individuals (life after UD...ugh), finding humor in those typical, real life situations is getting harder and harder. 

It's so easy to slip back into it when I'm visiting Dallas and surrounded by my favorite people in the whole entire world. While UD doesn't do everything correctly, I can find absolutely no fault with the friends I made there. These lovelies (and their families) that I met through UD are the most encouraging, loving, hysterical, friendly-beyond-anything, beautiful souls I have ever encountered, and I am so incredibly #blessed (I hate myself for using that hashtag) with their presence in my life. I just need to find a way to keep that feeling when I come back to Houston.

So with Lent beginning soon, I'm trying to get back to being able to find humor in things. That means sorting through my anxieties & getting a more positive outlook. With that in mind, I've got Matt Maher blasting, a candle burning, and a rosary at my side just waiting to be prayed. 

TL;DR: SORRY FOR NOT POSTING ILL TRY TO DO BETTER I LOVE MY FRIENDS

The next post will (probably) be a Groundhog recap, so imagine your computer screen covered in the tears I cried while reminiscing about the best weekend in the history of ever.

Currently: 1Hell, Part 2

The blog is not dead, and neither am I. There was just a serious vacuum of bloggable things for awhile, and now that school has started again, there's a lot of busy but still nothing super blog-worthy.

Christmas break was just lovely, mostly because I did nothing involving thought the entire time. The only difficulty I confronted was being asked, "Do you want to go see a movie?" approximately every. damn. day. (ahem, Mom.)

That's a slight exaggeration. Right after exams, I did have to start applying for internships. Competition is fierce and I'm sure to get shanked by some overzealous 1L at some point, but I just can't muster up the proper amount of caring. While it would be embarrassing to not get an internship on my own merits, there would still be the option of slinking home with my tail between my legs to beg a family friend for a summer position. If we know anything at all about me, I am no stranger to job embarrassment and I am not above begging.

I've been AWOL for a bit, so here's life lately:

reading | property law & statutory interpretation. my two classes that are just thrilling.

writing | notes on notes on notes. I'm doing this whole actually-caring-about-school this semester. I needed one semester to see if this was a thing I would be doing. that semester has passed, and so did I, which was the biggest test. so I guess I'm staying.

listening | as today is the feast day of the conversion of paul, I've had The Conversion of Saul by Z. Randall Stroope playing all day. I had the chance to sing this in high school and it chaaaaanged. THE DISSONANCE. THE RESOLUTION. brb gotta go write a thank-you email to Z Randall. 

and still T. Swift. ALWAYS T. SWIFT. when I first got the album, I could study to it because I didn't know any of the words. now, not so. I KNOW ALL THE WORDS AND THEY ARE WHAT IS WRITTEN ON MY HEART. Taylor would absolutely be a member of my girl gang. 

thinking | I'm already tired from the amount of effort I'm putting into school. a week into the second semester. trying is not going to be easy.

watching | the second season of Pretty Little Liars. I had started it a couple of years ago, but got sidetracked. my main impression? this town has a LOT of adult males willing to risk everything for underaged females. like, a disproportionate amount. if anything is mysterious, it's that. 

smelling | the chicken I just George-Foreman-ed. I'm, like, a gourmet chef. 

hoping | I actually get an internship. I'm starting to panic, even though it's waaaay to early for that nonsense. I need someone to text me every day: you is kind, you is smart, you is important. in fact, if someone just wants to hire a black nanny to tell me that + take care of my apartment + cook me real food, I wouldn't be adverse. 

wearing | pajamas, always and forever. 

loving | nepotism, hopefully. I need one of these family/UD connections to pay off and land me a fab internship. 

drinking | red wine. about two months into the first semester of law school, someone from my section told me that, judging by my facebook posts, I am literally always drinking red wine. there was no need to correct her. 

wanting | Law Made Fun Through Harry Potter's Adventures: 99 Lessons in Law from the Wizarding World. GUYS. it was made for me. surriously. 

DUH.

needing | a new suit. the one I got before law school no longer fits. I have an interview on Thursday and I really don't want to show up looking like I borrowed a suit from Andre the Giant. so I need either a new suit, an incredibly fast tailor, or a bunch of mice & birds. Cinderella-style, obvi. 

feeling | I think there's a nervousness that doesn't really go away when you're in law school. it's the constant fear that you're going to be called on and embarrass yourself. so that's sort of endless. but I have a weird sense of control right now. I'm reading ahead and taking better notes and utilizing all of my resources. we'll see how long this lasts...

clicking | ipsy, one of those send-you-a-box-full-of-goodies-each-month things. I got all signed up AND WAS PUT ON THE WAITING LIST. taking myself right off that damn list. whatevs, ipsy. IF THAT REALLY IS YOUR NAME.