Started From the Bottom, Now We're One Step Up From the Bottom

Sometimes I wish that my blog would be *discovered*.

(If you're reading that correctly, it's like saying that word with jazz hands.)

Sidenote: I used to wish I would be *discovered*

and I could do something fun and be famous. 

I didn't know what, but I dreamed of it. I've now lowered my expectations

and simply want my blog to be the famous one. Sigh. 

But every time I even start thinking about putting some effort into this whole

social media-Internets-platform-networking deal

(do you like how geezer-y I sounded there?), 

I rein it in because it just looks like a lot of work. 

And if we all know one thing, it's that I don't like to work -- unemployment joke FTW.

Also there's this:

- I don't (care to) understand copyright laws

I recently saw a mini-rant (from a Catholic mom-blogger, no less)

about someone re-blogging a personal photo that she had put on her blog. 

Essentially, she was wondering if there were any legal avenues of revenge

and how to force the person to credit her for the photo.

This is a thing I should worry about, apparently. 

I get most of my images from The Great Google and then I sometimes manipulate them. 

I literally never credit my sources. 

Luckily, I haven't stolen any images from that lady

because it sounds like she's close to the slashing-tires-jump-you-in-a-back-alley revenge.

Didn't we all learn in, like, 4th grade that things you post on the Internets 

are kind of a free for all?

I like to imagine it as a giant, troll-filled commune. 

It's like how cameras steal your soul; the Internets steal everything but gives to all. 

- I can't afford Photoshop

If there is money left over, it goes to drinks and clothes. 

That is a hard & fast rule.

 Photoshop also just sounds complicated. 

I don't really have the time to learn about it, and blogging is hard enough without having

to create graphics of my own. 

If forced to do so, I would get too caught up in creating pictures and my posts would look something like this:

I didn't have time to write a post, but here's a picture of a cat riding a unicorn.

Nobody wants that. 

- I really appreciate my downtime

People who big-time blog always have something going on. 

I don't have kids for whom I can craft wildly fanciful birthday parties, 

I can't afford to host dinner parties once a week, 

I don't really get invited to chic events all that often (I know, right?! Rude.),

I'm not planning my wedding,  

and I'm not restoring an old Craftsman home. 

I also don't want to do those things right now. 

(Good Lord, now that I see it, how do I even find things to blog about??)

I really really really like my wine-and-Netflix nights.

AKA every night. And some days.

If my blog ever makes it big, it will be through absolutely no effort of my own. 

Thank you and good night. 

*None of these pictures are mine and I would give credit to those people who created them if I cared even a little bit. Please don't sue me, I'm sure we can work something out. I make a mean chocolate chip oatmeal cookie plus I have wine & a Netflix account. If you sue me, I'll counter sue and just make this go on for a really long time, so you're better off taking the cookies and wine and Netflix. Do we have a deal? 

True Life: Buzzfeed is Stealing My Blogs

It used to be a goal of mine to write for Buzzfeed. 

I aspire to be as funny as those writers. 

But then I got really tired of having to wade through 

all of the LGBT & liberal propaganda on their website

to find the actually funny stuff. 

Please, Buzzfeed, tell me one more time how you're protesting the Sochi Olympics.

(P.S. If you're actually protesting something, you would write about it once

and then ignore the whole thing, not draw more attention to it

by posting hundreds of articles about it. Amateurs.)

Another reason I have given up on Buzzfeed is because they're stealing my material.

That sounds paranoid. 

Allow me to explain:

I wrote this post about my everlasting love for Brit Bitch on 11/24/2013. 

A week later, Buzzfeed shows up with this article. 

I cut them some slack for this one. 

Britney is famous & had been newsworthy recently. 

Still pissed, but whatevs.

Then, on 1/12/2014, I wrote this embarrassing post about how I cry at stupid things.

Three days later, Buzzfeed shows up with this. 

So I went further back. 

Mine from June 28, 2013:

Buzzfeed's from 5 days later:

There might be more. 

I got too lazy to check. 

What the hell, Buzzfeed.

Is this a thing we do now?

What happened to journalistic integrity?

I guess I should be asking Melissa "I'm Not a Racist Bitch" Harris-Perry. 

I'm not going to "protest" you, because what else would I do at work. 

But just know that, as I read and laugh, I am angry.

So so angry.

And as soon as I learn how to sue,

I will be doing so.

Prepare yourselves.

[Note: This is mostly a joke. Buzzfeed is hilarious & can obvi think

of hysterical things all by their lonesome.

But if I ever obtain proof of their theft, it's on.]

Also, I made this:

I think it would be hilaaaarious to sell, Terrible Towel-style, at UD. 

Get it?

Because we went away to study abroad. 

(I just crack myself up.)

Any takers?

I'm a blogger! I blog!

In the words of Kid Rock, this is "for all my hoods of the world misunderstood" and "all my homies in the county in cell block six". 

If you don't understand the title of this post to be a What About Bob? quote twisted for situational comedy, then go rent a copy (RIP Blockbuster) and figure out your life. 

(You know you want to click that link.)

This will be a lifestyle blog. As in, the life and styles of Yours Truly. I am not a blogger by nature (is anyone, really? PHILOSOPHY, Y'ALL.), but I am very good at talking about myself. I've been told that I should blog, and like any 20-something who doesn't know what to do with her life, I follow orders well. 

1. I fully embrace my Southern roots with pearls & monograms & all the crazy that flows forth from said roots. 

2. I am very Texan. I don't feel like I need to elaborate on that. 

3. My sassiness will speak for itself. Often, it speaks for me, as well. 

4. I'm super duper Catholic. Just call me Mary Katherine Gallagher. 

(Go ahead and give that one a little clickety-clack, too.)

Anything else you find out about me will be because I'm not a very good spy. Or because I'm bad at secrets. Or because you plied me with alcohol (feel free). 

xoxo