Sunday, January 21, 2018

What's My Age Again?

Via Hyperbole and a Half
For a long time, I hated the verb "adulting."
It felt patronizing, yet somehow self-congratulatory at the same time.
"Look at my struggle, but see how I'm capable of simple survival!"

But then I developed a theory:
Maybe these infantilizing words and phrases that garner such ridicule from other generations 
and make us seem so childish--words like "adulting"--were invented by those generations so they feel redeemed.
Remember all those times we got blamed for ruining things?
Maybe those older generations were trying the ole misdirection technique:
"Point out what bumbling man-children they are and maybe people will forget that we actually did ruin literally everything always."

And then my brain, which is a dark, tangled web of conspiracy theories and Harry Potter trivia 
(CONSTANT VIGILANCE), 
developed this a little further and decided that not only did those older generations want to distract from their own shortcomings buuuuuuuuuuuut were spending so much time convincing everyone (including us) 
that we're just large toddlers with driver's licenses in order to keep us from doing anything.
So we will always be dependent on them to make decisions and they will always have a place in society 
(other than their rightful place: debtor's prison). 

Or maybe I just made up this theory because I'm desperately trying to redeem my own generation. 
The struggle is real

Regardless, having reached the age of 27, lived alone for 5 years, and attained employment as an attorney, 
I still only have fleeting moments where I feel like an adult. 
(Mostly, those come when I pay off my credit card, 
except that feeling is moderated by the fact that my password is one that I've had since 8th grade 
and includes a child's toy.)
But I've recently discovered/purchased some things that make me feel COMPLETELY ADULT, I CONTROL MY DESTINY, NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO. 
And some of these things are embarrassing. 

Like this:
1. Drain Protector










Now, I won't go into details, but you know how other people's bodily functions and whatnot are SUPER GROSS, 
but your own are just whatever?
Well, my hair in the drain was such that my own gag reflex was being activated.
You're welcome for that. 
But I sing the praises of this little guy, and for some reason it makes me feel all responsible.


2. Wine Club



















I have been of legal drinking age for a while now 
(and let's be real: did I let a silly thing like age stop me before then?), 
but getting a box full of wine delivered straight to my door is v v adult. 
The pace at which I drink it is v v college, but whatever. 


And speaking of wine...
3. Medium-cheap Wine
















Frugal, not miserly. 
Always aiming for post-trauma Scrooge (except my generosity benefits me, not Muppets). 


4. Real furniture











Before now, I had a bed frame that was approximately 3 inches off the ground. 
That is not an exaggeration. 
I made myself feel better about my glorified sleeping bag with the knowledge that there was no possible way a man 
(or woman #genderbias) could fit under my bed to kill me in the night.
So really this new furniture is kind of an inconvenience because I have to go to sleep fearing for my life. 
Win some, lose some. 


5. Gym membership
And planning out my weekly gym seshes. 
And meal planning and prepping. 
And comparison shopping for a new heart rate monitor (RIP). 
Basically, trying to outrun my sedentary lifestyle (thanks, #lawlyfe!) 
and just survive to middle age makes me feel very adult. 
I feel very adult walking into the gym after work in my bus caj (business casual, OBVS), 
sometimes checking that last minute text/email from ole Big Boss about an important case.
JK I don't check my email after work hahahahahahaha 
But really guys: Polar H7 or some variation of a Fitbit?? I DON'T KNOW AND MY LONGEVITY MAY DEPEND ON IT. 


So I may be turning into an adult!
But then I remember that April and Andy were technically adults, so I'm not convinced that "adult" means anything.











Also I'm pretty sure I've been 70 since I was 10, so who knows. 

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Lawyerish to Lawyerly

This is just the truthiest of truths for me, at the moment. A month ago, I had a whole update written 
about the job I had and taking the bar exam and all of my life changes. 
And a few days after I wrote aaaaaaaall of that out, my life changed again: 
I got a new job that looks to be long-lasting. I passed that bar exam (!!!). I started that new job.
So the Texas version of that well-used Gatsby quote: life started all over again when it got below 90° in the fall. 

A quick recap, because I hate to trash a decent blog draft:
Life got away from me again. But this time I have the best excuse ever: THE BAR EXAM.
(It is completely necessary to use all caps when referring to THE BAR EXAM. It's out of my hands.) 
It is, without a shadow of a doubt, the dumbest thing I have ever done in my entire life. 
I may end up recapping the full BAR EXAM experience in a future post,
but I still need some time to work through my PTSD. 

For now, I'm working a semi-lawyer job in the oil & gas industry.
Which, given my background, makes complete sense, right? 😐
Unfortunately, I don't get to wear a cute pink hardhat to work, but I'm now comfortable using oil & gas jargon in real life.
LOL oil, right?
I know where the major shale fields are located, people trust me to work on deals worth crazy amounts of money, and I don't immediately starting giggling when someone talks about the unit they're working on.
So I'm basically an adult. 
Also, I work in an office where half of the employees have "Make Oil and Gas Great Again" hats, 
so it's been a nice change of pace from the liberal hell of law school. 

However, I will always & forever assume "OG" means Original Gangster, and not Oil & Gas.
That's just who I am as a person. 


And now! Now I am a pirate. A pirate lawyer. A lawyer for pirates. A maritime attorney. Something like that.
I get to go on ships! I get to travel! I get to refer to people as Admiral! It's all very exciting. 
Eventually, I will maritime and admiralty with the best of them, but being a baby lawyer is exhausting and stressful 
and a very steep learning curve. 
For now, I do my research: Moby Dick, The Odyssey, Old Man & the Sea, Finding Nemo. 
All the greats, obviously. With rum in hand. 
No one ever accused me of not committing to the theme. 

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Yes, Like It's Hard

Yikes. Accidental hiatus, part two. 
In my defense, LIFE IS REALLY REALLY HARD. 
Maybe you've heard this saying:
"1L year, they scare you to death; 2L year, they work you to death; 3L year, they bore you to death."
I would happily murder whoever said that. 
Maybe I've done things terribly wrong, but my 3L year has been super stressful and not-at-all boring. Except also I've stopped caring about 95% of my commitments. 
(Those commitments persist, despite my valiant attempts to ignore them.)  

But today is the day!

After today, I never have to go back to that awful place!
(Except I'm doing bar prep at school, so I'll be there every day until July 25. Ugh.) 
But for all its mosquito-infestation, freezing-in-one-building-sauna-in-the-other, flood-every-time-it-rains, sweaty walls, probable-asbestos terribleness, 
I'll probably miss that place. 
Maybe. Eventually. 

I've practice a lot of restraint over the past three years in not posting every Legally Blonde gif ever. So today, in a journey through my law school emotions, I pay tribute to the original light-haired lady of the law. 

1L:
I go here. I guess?
Except it was. Super hard. 

That's law school saying that to me. Because law school is a jerk. 
But law school was wrong; I was totally smart enough. I just didn't care enough. 
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.

2L:
Ugh. Stupid boy + stupid law school made 2L year stupid angsty. But then I was all...
I realized that I was trying to be friends with law school people. 
And law school people are the actual worst. 
So I stopped trying and ended up being SO. MUCH. HAPPIER.
And because God loves irony, I made some of my best friends and achieved some things I never dreamed of. 
3L:
Those things I achieved? It turns out they came with responsibilities. So in true Type A fashion, I took on too many things, and put myself in charge of too much, and accepted too many jobs in addition to school. 

So I'm going to graduation tonight under protest, because I would so much rather sleep until bar prep starts. Until then, I'll be prepping for bar prep (see the above statement about me being all Type A-ey and whatnot) and applying for every legal job every (don't even get me started on how ridiculous this is). 
But for now, I'm like...