Mary Angela and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today has been a day. 

I got to work and was immediately yelled at for not doing something

that I actually did a month ago. 

(My office is the definition of competent.)

 My time-off request still hadn't been approved after nearly two weeks.

Construction workers were simultaneously 

jack hammering and power-washing right outside my window.

My "sensitive" co-worker cried in her office and went home early.

I only had one cup of coffee this morning. 
AND I had to drink it with regular milk, instead of my usual hazelnut creamer. 
Just the worst. 

Days like this call for a survival kit:

A Nebuchadnezzar of wine // I don't want to sound greedy, but that's how much it would take to de-stress at this point. Also, these names are super cool. I only want to drink wine by the "Methuselah". 

Warby Parker Welty glasses // I adore my specs, especially after a long, headache-inducing day. The last thing I want to do is stress the ole eyeballs while viewing the latest Downton. 

Decision-making toolkit // Nobody wants to make difficult decisions after a hard day. I am notorious in my family for being unable to make even the smallest of decisions. On road trips, 

we would spend way too long in gas stations waiting for me to pick a snack. 

Chips & queso // Maybe it's being from San Antonio, but large quantities of melted cheese can solve most problems. 

Harry Potter // Any book, most movie. Although, I might get sad again when I come to the realization (for the millionth time) that HP isn't real life. 

Shoes // I insist that a beautiful pair of "shiny ponies" could be a panacea for all the world's problems. Hitler was probs just angry that his shoes were so ugly (kiddingggggg). 


The best I can do right now is a bag of honey mustard pretzels & 
a pirated copy of Order of the Phoenix + my glasses because my head already hurts. 
But let's be real, 
I am absolutely fine settling for that. 

Me & Alex P. Keaton

I know by saying this, I'm jinxing it. 

But my history shows that, 

while I may be able to keep my thoughts from being vocalized,

I am not so great at stopping these little digits from 

diligently documenting my every idea.

BUT

I haven't been sick in a little while. 

And when I was sick, it was for a normal length of time. 

My ever-so-brief foray into teaching had me on my deathbed.

This time last year, I was the sickest of dogs

and no holiday cheer was to be found.

Having been raised by a doctor, 

I never go to one.

I can count on one hand and a half hands the number of times

I can recall going to the doctor.

(Obviously, going as a baby doesn't count

because babies need shots and are pansies.)

So this year, 

even though I despise my co-workers and I'm facilitating

the evil of work of the welfare state,

I am thankful that my place of work is not overrun

by grody guttersnipes.

I also love the fact that I can say, with 95% certainty,

(there's always room for error + people are disgusting) 

that I am not anywhere near someone else's bodily fluid, 

nor is it my job to clean it up.  

I've gotten past the easy, fill-in-your-information part of law school apps.

I now have to actually think and write and it sucks.

I don't have any dramatic story to use for my personal statement, 

and my resume is looking pretty sparse. 

I'm thinking about submitting the lyrics to this song as my personal statement.

Too bold?

(The band created this as a parody, but it's a decent summation of my actual beliefs.)

Because this post is so short & lame, 

here's two of my favorite things from this past week:

This was God's way of telling me there was a reason I haven't

been to WWofHP yet.

He's always got a plan.

It's supposed to open in summer of 2014, so happy birthday to meeeee.

And this:

Love me some pro-gun ladiez.

If I Could Plan My Own Birthday (+ Magic Was Real...)

I'm at that stage of unemployment

where I'm pretty ready to just Walden out. 

Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air & all that. 

I went through a pretty sweet Walden phase my last couple of years of high school.

My mom refers to it as my "hippie" phase, 

but that sounds philosophically & fashionably tragic.

It was a little tragic. 

(Photos from junior & senior year, respectively.) 

There are no jobs to be had, 

so I might as well finally realize my high school dream:

to live in a school bus in the wilderness, hunt & forage for my food, 

and listen to the Dead all day.

(Replace the Dead with Pearl Jam and my dream is Into the Wild. I understand that.

Please don't make fun of 18-year-old me.)

Anywhoodle, my birthday is on Saturday.

Here's what I would do if I could plan my own birthday + magic was real:

(22 going on 8, y'all)

Wake up: breakfast with the Disney princesses

This is a real thing. 

I did it at Disney World for my friend's 18th birthday.

However, I would like to do it with the actual princesses,

not actors. 

We also got princess makeovers. DO NOT DO THIS.

That amount of gel + that amount of eye shadow does not belong on a white girl. 

Plus, 18-year-old me had terrible taste in earrings. GIANT HEARTS WHAT WHAT.

9:30-10:00 Pet a unicorn

Unicorns are wild creatures, so keeping it isn't an option, 

but petting it is. 

10:00-2:00 Go to Harry Potter-land (aka The Wizarding World of Harry Potter)

Being completely honest, 

I sometimes spend long periods of time thinking about how great this place must be.
I have a passionate love for Disney World and didn't think it could get better. 

And then the geniuses at Disney added Harry Potter. 

Fair warning: I will probably tear up if I ever make it there. 

And while I was at Harry Potter-land, I would receive my owl!

Yes, I would be the oldest student at Hogwarts but whatevaaa. 

2:00-2:01 Spend time with Doctor Who

I would only need a minute, because it's time travel.

Duh.

I COULD GO ANYWHERE & ANY TIME.

#imonlyalittleembarrassed

2:01-5:00 Shopping spree 

I will not be limiting myself to one location. 

I would like a worldwide shopping spree.

Fifth Avenue,Via Montenapoleone,

 Bahnhofstrasse, Avenue Montaigne, & back to La Cantera. 

Dream big.

Cue great "shopping" movie montage:

5:00-6:00 Play with a truckload of puppies

6:00-9:00 Classic movie-watching party at Hollywood Blvd Cinema with EVERYONE 

This movie theatre is beautiful. 

I would live there if I could.

Every theatre is themed & decorated to perfection.

The restrooms are not Men/Women; they are "Norman's" & "Mother's". I die. 

This is Coconut Grove & it is decorated like the streets of Casablanca. Guess what movie would be playing? 

9:00-??? Party it up in Vegas with my favorite people

It would start early because there's no time to be wasted with pre-gaming nonsense.

Everyone would go immediately from the movies to Vegas, 

& would be automatically dressed to the nines. 

All of my friends from every stage of life would be there + all of my favorite bands would play 

and then wander around talking to everyone, & it would be Gatsby-style.

Not 40s-themed, but FABULOUS-themed. 

Brian Litrell having a conversation with my bestie from 5th grade while Alanis dances with Biggie (RIP) to Michael Buble while showgirls drop glitter from chandeliers?

Can't imagine better. 

???-A.M. Spend the night in the Cinderella Suite

I would begin & end in Disney. 

Just as it should be. 

I have set my goals high. We'll see how it goes. 

Harry Potter & The Goonies Taught Me Everything I Know

I'm about to reveal my nerdiness for all of the Internet-folk to gawk at. 

But these are the same Internet-folk who brought us this monstrosity, 

so I'm not too worried about their judgment.

Plus, I went to UD, so it's not like I was hiding it.  

The Goonies is one of my very favorite movies and reminds me of my childhood. 

Because my childhood was spent seeking out pirate ships in the Pacific Northwest. 

(That's only halfway true.)

And Harry Potter is one of my very favorite book series.

Obviously, I didn't learn everything I know from Harry Potter & The Goonies.

I had to give my parents something to do.

But they both taught me many important lessons, some of which are:

» "Goonies never say die!"

Don't give up. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps. Get back in the saddle. 

All the things our teachers tried to instill in us, 

but the Goonies made SUCH a better impression. 

Fifth grade teacher who cried while reading us Tuck Everlasting? Psh.

Mikey who gives great speeches and goes on adventures? Duh.

I also had the Goonie Oath memorized as a child. 

Nuclear war is still a big concern, guys.

» Be nice to handicapped people.

Hey you guys!  

There are many reasons to do this, not the least being 

that they are God's children the same as you and I. 

Sloth deserved better; they all deserve better.

Also, such behavior could save your life.

» Always be on your best behavior.

Don't do anything you wouldn't want to admit out loud. 

Also, be honest with yourself and others around you.

And maybe don't cause a puking pandemic.

Secondary lesson: People just want to be heard, even if they're telling fairly terrible things.

Tertiary lesson: Sometimes the ice cream just isn't worth it. 

» Friendship & loyalty above all else. 

"Down here it's our time. It's our time down here."

Even if it completely panics your parents/guardians, it's cool to be selfish 
and stick with your friends sometimes. 
That sort of friendship could help save your small, Pacific Northwest community.
(Or defeat the Dark Lord...)

» "It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities."

» "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one remembers to turn on the light."

» "Humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them." 

I'm a terrible decision-maker. 

I wait until the very last possible second, then panic-choose. 

Aaaaand I inevitably choose poorly.

But even those rare times I don't panic-choose, I still choose poorly.

(Usually because I give in to sense > reason; I'm like a puppy.)

I think most people are like that, even if you don't recognize it, you hypocrites.

And finally, 

» "Yer a wizard, (M)ary."

Honestly, this is the most important lesson I learned in all of my childhood. 

Without it, I would have ended up going to some boring liberal arts university 

and probably be unemployed and pathetic.

So glad that didn't happen.

Honorable Mention:

• Knowledge of history is important. Especially pirate/wizard history.
• Piano lessons can save your life.
• It's really important to have at least one super smart friend. (Data/Hermione)
• Puberty is an awful thing. (ex: braces, Neville)
• Watch out for booby traps. (ex: Chester Copperpot, Triwizard Tournament maze)

Sidenote: While prowling the Internets for suitable images & whatnot, I came across this article enumerating the lessons Muslims can learn from Harry Potter. 

Whaaaaaat.

(Read at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn you...)

If you got to the end and you're still reading, here's a reward: