Favorite Things Lately

As entitled, my favorite things lately:

« Wedding Weekend in Colorado»

A friend from long, long ago in my childhood

(and more recently, from college)

got married!

We got to take a little weekend trip up to Denver/Golden, CO.

It was Augie's first plane ride and he did really well!

UD weddings are always super fun, and this one was no exception. 

The DFW contingent of the Deals (Cat, Josh, Augie, and I) arrived first

and flying makes one hungry.

On our quest to find sustenance, we discovered a kebab stand!

Like our days in Europe! It was magical!

The man questioned our knowledge of kebabs, but we set him straight. 

This isn't a very good picture, but Augie wore his skinny jeans for the first time. 

When in Denver, do as the hipsters do...

The wedding was held at the cathedral in Denver:

Terrible panorama because I have issues controlling myself when there are buttons to push:

Mini-circus tent:

The groom's brother was recently ordained, so he said the wedding Mass!

He gave the hands-down best wedding homily I've ever heard. 

No pressure for the next one...

Augie met his future wife, the adorable little girl of Cat's classmates from UD. 

Jose was clearly getting in the way of their looooove connection. 

We used to play together as small children, so Mom had to get a few photos:

This is an awkward picture because I didn't know how to pose with

a) someone I haven't seen in years, and

b) a fresh-out-of-the-oven priest. 

Mumsie + Father Henry

Congratulations, Thomas & Michelle!

«Chet Baker Sings»

I'm not at all embarrassed to say that I was reminded of this 

via my newsfeed on Facebook. 

But I will say that I listened to this album

almost obsessively senior year of high school. 

My music theory course made me fairly pretentious about my tune-age.

Go ahead, give it a listen. 

You'll feel automatically smarter. 

« The books from my AP history classes in high school»

I am having serious issues with nostalgia, or something. 

Post-grad life has me feeling stupid, mostly because I don't read

nearly as often as I used to/UD forced me to. 

I hated reading these in high school, 

but now I really appreciate them and might actually order them on Amazon. 

A little Victor Davis Hanson never hurt anyone. 

«Kate Spade Beau Bag»

Like all the good bloggers recently, 

I've fallen in love with the Kate Spade Beau bag. 

The black one is great:

But the one I reeeeeally want is this glorious creature:

Of course, it's a good $500 more expensive. 

Lindsay Bluth taste on an Ann Hog budget. 

«Nancy Pelosi Being Denied Communion»

Sucks to suck, Nance. 

My least favorite thing lately:

WTF, TEXAS?? I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU.

Drinking with Dante, Pt. 2

I'm the worst. 

I promised the Dante continuation for Thursday, 

and failed to come through. 

Here's the thing:

I was in the Countdown City for a little visit (with no end in sight)

when I got an email about an emergency (!!!) job interview

that absolutely had to be done the next day (Thursday). 

So instead of blogging, 

I was driving back to DFW hoping to get my life together. 

That takes precedence, I think. 

Back to D-Man & his hellish vacation through...hell.

Here's the map, as a reminder:

«Circle Five: Wrath»

I was going to choose wine for this circle of hell, 

so I could make a grapes of wrath joke, 

but that was already used for the Limbo Party.

So I was left with Jager. 

This is a very personal & biased decision. 

1) Jager & I have some bad history, and

2) Anything that tastes like black licorice is disgusting and makes me angry.

And it might be a stretch, but:

- Guidos drink Jager bombs.

- Guidos have 'roid rage (like wrath, right?).

Jager is associated with rage.

And this guy:

«Circle Six: Heresy»

I'm having some difficulty with choosing a drink for this circle. 

With the other levels of hell, something would come to mind pretty quickly.

But I think I've got it. 

India Pale Ale. 

To come to this conclusion, I had to tear myself away from 

the Catholic Church-ey definition of heresy, 

and instead look at it something at odds with what is generally accepted.

At this point in time, craft beers are all the rage.

But here's a secret: many beginning brewers hide how bad their beer is

by adding a ton of hops. 

(The alliteration in that sentence...yowza.)

And then they try to pass it off as a beer for the "experienced palate".

It's now widely accepted that the mature drinker LUUURVES hoppy beer, 

so it is heresy to say that one prefers a BLL to that 

bitter, chewable, strained-through-your-hipster-beard brew.

Yo, I don't want to have to gain "experience" or

grow a handle bar mustache to enjoy my beer. 

Pass me a Shiner & I'm good to go. 

If you do nothing else with your day, just watch this.  

Heretics are sentenced to having to drink disgusting beer for eternity.

   

«Circle Seven: Violence»

Violence makes me think of Communism, 

Communism makes me think of Russians, and Russians make me think of vodka.

Simple as that. 

This is an AK-47 full of vodka. Russia, y'all. 

No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.

«Circle Eight: Fraud»

Back to the hipsters. 

Maybe I'm just an optimist, 

but I don't believe that anyone is genuinely a hipster.

It's just something they put on in the hopes of fitting in & seeming cool.

(Which just means that they'll change their personality 

for whatever the next trend is so UGH.)

Hipster-dom is fraudulent.

Therefore, the drink of the hipsters--PBR--is perfect for these sinners.

«Circle Nine: Treachery»

At last, the final circle of hell. 

Dante defines treachery as fraudulent acts between individuals who share 

special bonds of love and trust. 

So I thought about making this circle A BIG SUICIDE MIXTURE OF ALL ALCOHOL

because I have that sort of bond with alcohol--

I love it, but it keeps betraying me. 

But that might be breaking the rules, 

so I'm choosing moonshine. 

Can be super awesome (so I hear)

but can also make you go blind. 

Treacherous. 

The end. 

This might be something I do again, with other Core books.

#sorryUD

Also, I'm announcing a three two-month spending moratorium. 

So, no: 

- Starbucks drinks

- clothing of any kind

- unnecessary Target purchases

- lazy fast food

- NOTHING

Keep me honest, people. 

(Obviously, birthday drinks don't count.)

Drinking with Dante, Pt. 1

Like any good Crusader, 

I read Dante's Divine Comedy my freshman year. 

I was a bit of a hot mess that year, so I didn't really do it the justice it so deserves. 

(Translation: Drinking was fun & reading was hard.)

Since graduation/the dreaded days of unemployment, 

I've been slowly rereading some of the Core

(Non-UD-ers: the Core is basically the required, Great Books curriculum at UDallas)

BUT

even with all this maturity gained & growth experienced & whatnot

I still like to drink. 

So why not combine Dante & drinking?

(I will admit to stopping after the Inferno because Purgatorio & Paradiso aren't nearly as fun.)

#sorryGod

A couple of maps to help jog that memory & make you fear your earthly decisions. 

«Dark Wood» 

In the text, the description of Dante's starting point is pretty hazy--

probably an indication that our sweet poet has already taken to imbibing.

Throughout the poem, 

Dante is blessed with the help of Beatrice, St. Lucia, & the Virgin Mary--

three blessed women. 

As such, Dante should fortify himself with a shot (or three) of Tres Mujeres Tequila.

Feel the burn of the tequila-fire before you feel the burn of the hellfire.

«Gate of Hell »

"Abandon all hope, you who enter here."

(It's like college!)

Reserved for those who lived without ever making a conscious moral decision, 

the drink of choice for this Ante-Inferno is Smirnoff Ice. 

Despite it's frigid moniker, Smirnoff Ice is the beverage equivalent of 

being "lukewarm" in one's faith. 

(Rev 3:16 "But because thou art lukewarm and neither cold nor hot, I will begin to vomit thee out of my mouth.")

^That's a direct quote, y'all.^

Open the fridge? ICE.

Go for the remote? ICE.

Can't make a decision? GATE OF HELL. 

Those cowards condemned to this locale are constantly bitten by flies & wasps,

and blood & tears flow from them--all things I distinctly remember feeling

upon being Iced in college. 

Also, that vomiting thing mentioned in Revelation.

«Circle One: Limbo»

Technically the first circle of hell, Limbo is for those who are not saved 

though they did not sin.

Dante's Limbo contains unbaptized infants & virtuous non-Christian adults--

most notably, some ancient folks.

To make them feel perfectly at home & give it a little party atmosphere, 

wine is the bev served in Limbo.

Doing the limbo. Get it?

"Someone hold my balloon while I slap the bag."

«Circle Two: Lust»

The one's a bit like that disgusting bar that you hate because it's full of older guys & bros

but you go anyway because it's nearby & the weekday prices are great. 

(Shout out to the Quarter Bar!)

However, this bar only serves two drinks: cheap beer & Sex on the Beach-es. 

The second one needs no explanation. It's all in the name.

That slut, Francesca, showed up in Old Mill wearing this??

I also chose beer, though, because 

it's the preferred poison of all horny college students.

"The cheaper, the better" applies to both beer & women. 

Make bad choices & blame it on being drunk! Wheeeee!

«Circle Three: Gluttony»

The gluttonous, who excessively pursued pleasure in life, 

are doomed to lie on the ground while sewage rains down upon them.

This is the appropriate punishment for drinking a Fishbowl, as well. 

Fishbowls shout gluttony.

Yes, you're probably sharing it with friends, 

but you're still drinking out of something that's meant to house animals. 

I don't know anyone who's able to stop at just one Fishbowl.

They taste so good, you get cocky, & "it's girls' night out, so let's go crazy"

and pretty soon you really are lying on the ground in a diabetic coma. 

Fishbowls are full of sugar & evil. 

It looks so innocent. 

«Circle Four: Avarice & Prodigality»

Greed for material gain?

Excuse me, for immediately thinking of rappers. 

It's not like they've done anything to deserve that reputation. 

Obviously, Cristal is the perfect drink for those who squandered everything 

in their earthly lives.

But that covers only the "prodigality" side of things. 

Those who are guilty of avarice

(money-hoarding, cheap jerks)

prefer to close their fist around a few fingers of scotch.

Only because I imagine them being Mad Men-types.

"Give me three fingers, on the rocks." Ugh.

(If you remember the punishment in Circle Four, this pun is really funny.)

And here I stop before we encounter Wrath & Lower Hell.

I'm off to go practice some moderation & self-control or whatever. 

Drinking with Dante, Pt. 2 will be up on Thursday!