Welcome to Law-Law-Land

I don't know why this one has been so hard to write. Wrapping up 1L year, starting an internship, and filling my weekends with travel + training has wiped me of all creativity and comedy. I'm currently laid up in bed, covered in the most heinous-looking mosquito bites ever seen, high on my own special type of purple drank (Benadryl + red wine because a girl's gotta get her Peeno Noir Midsize Car on), so I figured now is as good a time as any to overcome my writer's block.

Finishing 1L, I finally feel like this whole law school thing is actually happening. As we all know, I don't have the greatest track record with sticking with real life decisions. (If I ever say that I'm going to teach at a law school, shoot me.) A year down and $50,000 of Uncle Sam's Monopoly money, and I guess I will fully commit to this thing. So here are some things I learned from my first year in this hellhole:

>> Be afraid. Be very afraid. 

There are too many reasons to be afraid of law school. (1) Lawyers are terrible. Future lawyers are even worse. These people are just asshats. Asshats who will wield a fair amount of power in the future. (2) Doing poorly is bad, but doing well is also kinda sucky because then you have all sorts of commitments like Law Review and whatnot. I wouldn't know. (3) At the end of this, there's THE BAR.

>> Summertime sadness.
Class is finished, exams are over, and now you get 3 long months of relaxation. 

Apparently, law school summers mean working full-time (often for free or academic credit, which you can't even exchange for wine WTH AMERICA) and also probably taking a class because who needs free time after 9 months of terrible?? You spent a good portion of spring semester searching for a summer internship and you got one! Yay! Rest on those laurels, right? Except now you have to spend your summer searching for a fall internship. It never ends.

>> Hydrate.
Shout out to the one who's been there for me through all the tough times: WINE.

But water has been my savior this past year. Bored at work? Drink a ton of water and then you have an excuse to get up and walk around every so often. Don't want to get called on in class? Drink a ton of water and you have an excuse to get up and walk around every so often.

>> I am way underqualified. for everything. but so is everyone else.

I have zero skillz to offer law firms. I don't really think that feeling goes away. As someone who constantly underestimates herself, I anticipate feeling ill-prepared and unqualified until the day I die. If you are ever a future client of mine, I apologize.

But having taken classes all year with a bunch of future lawyers, let me tell you: avoid legal trouble. at least I only think that I'm un(der)qualified; I know for a fact that many of these people (who will eventually pass THE BAR) are stupid as hell. so seriously, avoid having to hire one of these idiots.

>> professional school =/= professionalism

Oh, how I miss the "drama" at UD. I thought that was bad. law school is what I imagine high school was like for people who peaked in high school. except with a ton more stress and a lot less parental supervision. 

These people don't seem to understand how judgmental I am and how long my memory is. You may think that, 10 years from now, I'll be able to see you at happy hour and not recall your drunken lesbian hook-up with a section-mate on Halloween, but think again. Think again.

>> Embrace the douche

Law students are the absolute worst. I include myself in that. But let us have this. Because the job market sucks, we'll be slaving away for the next 50 years to pay off loans, and everybody already hates us. Embracing the douche ("climbing down" as Jack Donaghy would say) just makes us feel better about these super-iffy choices we've made in our lives.



I had a bunch more things I learned. I promise. But I just finished a super hard workout + it's a million degrees outside + lots and lots of wine. My brain is done.

P.S. My mom has been repeatedly requesting another blog post, so I'm hoping that this will spur her to deposit a little something-something into my bank account. Preferably before I have to pay rent again. Because I may not be able to. #nomoneymoproblems

Currently: 1Hell, Part 2

The blog is not dead, and neither am I. There was just a serious vacuum of bloggable things for awhile, and now that school has started again, there's a lot of busy but still nothing super blog-worthy.

Christmas break was just lovely, mostly because I did nothing involving thought the entire time. The only difficulty I confronted was being asked, "Do you want to go see a movie?" approximately every. damn. day. (ahem, Mom.)

That's a slight exaggeration. Right after exams, I did have to start applying for internships. Competition is fierce and I'm sure to get shanked by some overzealous 1L at some point, but I just can't muster up the proper amount of caring. While it would be embarrassing to not get an internship on my own merits, there would still be the option of slinking home with my tail between my legs to beg a family friend for a summer position. If we know anything at all about me, I am no stranger to job embarrassment and I am not above begging.

I've been AWOL for a bit, so here's life lately:

reading | property law & statutory interpretation. my two classes that are just thrilling.

writing | notes on notes on notes. I'm doing this whole actually-caring-about-school this semester. I needed one semester to see if this was a thing I would be doing. that semester has passed, and so did I, which was the biggest test. so I guess I'm staying.

listening | as today is the feast day of the conversion of paul, I've had The Conversion of Saul by Z. Randall Stroope playing all day. I had the chance to sing this in high school and it chaaaaanged. THE DISSONANCE. THE RESOLUTION. brb gotta go write a thank-you email to Z Randall. 

and still T. Swift. ALWAYS T. SWIFT. when I first got the album, I could study to it because I didn't know any of the words. now, not so. I KNOW ALL THE WORDS AND THEY ARE WHAT IS WRITTEN ON MY HEART. Taylor would absolutely be a member of my girl gang. 

thinking | I'm already tired from the amount of effort I'm putting into school. a week into the second semester. trying is not going to be easy.

watching | the second season of Pretty Little Liars. I had started it a couple of years ago, but got sidetracked. my main impression? this town has a LOT of adult males willing to risk everything for underaged females. like, a disproportionate amount. if anything is mysterious, it's that. 

smelling | the chicken I just George-Foreman-ed. I'm, like, a gourmet chef. 

hoping | I actually get an internship. I'm starting to panic, even though it's waaaay to early for that nonsense. I need someone to text me every day: you is kind, you is smart, you is important. in fact, if someone just wants to hire a black nanny to tell me that + take care of my apartment + cook me real food, I wouldn't be adverse. 

wearing | pajamas, always and forever. 

loving | nepotism, hopefully. I need one of these family/UD connections to pay off and land me a fab internship. 

drinking | red wine. about two months into the first semester of law school, someone from my section told me that, judging by my facebook posts, I am literally always drinking red wine. there was no need to correct her. 

wanting | Law Made Fun Through Harry Potter's Adventures: 99 Lessons in Law from the Wizarding World. GUYS. it was made for me. surriously. 

DUH.

needing | a new suit. the one I got before law school no longer fits. I have an interview on Thursday and I really don't want to show up looking like I borrowed a suit from Andre the Giant. so I need either a new suit, an incredibly fast tailor, or a bunch of mice & birds. Cinderella-style, obvi. 

feeling | I think there's a nervousness that doesn't really go away when you're in law school. it's the constant fear that you're going to be called on and embarrass yourself. so that's sort of endless. but I have a weird sense of control right now. I'm reading ahead and taking better notes and utilizing all of my resources. we'll see how long this lasts...

clicking | ipsy, one of those send-you-a-box-full-of-goodies-each-month things. I got all signed up AND WAS PUT ON THE WAITING LIST. taking myself right off that damn list. whatevs, ipsy. IF THAT REALLY IS YOUR NAME.

Great Expectations

A brief excerpt from my forthcoming biography:
The man stepped carefully into the dark apartment, his headlamp creating an eerie glow.
"No one's been seen entering or leaving in a hundred years. Who knows what we'll find inside."
A fine layer of Cheeto dust covered every surface, stirring up as the exploratory team moved gingerly through the gloomy foyer. The opening theme song of Gilmore Girls could be heard, echoing faintly from a back room, like an upbeat, feminist funeral dirge.
Their leader came to an abrupt stop, as his foot slipped in a scarlet puddle. 
"Blood, sir?"
"No, red wine...and tears."

I retain my right to use Cosby gifs, even with the recent scandal. WHATEVER.

PRE-FIRST EXAM

"We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition."

I had had a beautiful finals study schedule written out for Thanksgiving break, but a certain tyrannical 2-year-old wasn't having it. So December 1st, it was. 
The study carrels were occupied at all hours, but I am not one who can get anything done in that room, so I took up residence at my local, giant-corporate-coffee-chain. 

Trusty Sbux. Ever loyal. They've seen a lot of me over the past two weeks. I've mixed it up and gone to some of the fab coffee shops Houston has to offer, but my Rice Village Sbux remains steadfast. Close to home with plenty of parking = perfect for this little curmudgeon. 

My fellow Starbucks-lovers leave a bit to be desired, though:

A very hipster barista spoke about how he's not even on Facebook, he's on "Ello", this new app. I don't think he realized how close my head was to exploding; the amount of hot air + hipsterness he was babbling was depressurizing the room. Or something. I'm in law school, not science academy. 

It took a guy 5 minutes to think of the program he used to illegally download music back in the 2000s. Meanwhile, I got 3 questions wrong on my Barbri quiz because my brain was shouting "LIMEWIRE LIMEWIRE LIMEWIRE" and there wasn't any more room in there for Civ Pro thoughts.

The man next to me sang along to Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas is You", in falsetto & under his breath. I was emoji-steam-coming-out-of-my-ears.

But, even with these people all around, I am grateful for them. They provide exactly the amount of white noise & distraction I need when studying.
Par exemple:
I watched a very fluffy dog eat his puppuccino and then destroy the cup. That's how I felt about my outline. 

At this point, I felt under control. Things were tough, but manageable. What naïveté...

PERI-EXAMS

"...in shutting out the light of day, she had shut out infinitely more; that, in seclusion, she had secluded herself from a thousand natural healing influences; that, her mind, brooding solitary, had grown diseased..."

I've gone completely insane during these two weeks. I would list out all the weird things I've done, but that would be self-incrimination. 

My apartment is littered in diet Coke cans, I've done my nails approximately 60 times (to avoid studying), and my desktop is covered in cat gifs to cheer me up. I am listening to weird things on repeat: last night was the a cappella version of "Chandelier", today it's the Muppet Christmas Carol soundtrack. 

I didn't think I would ever get to use this picture. Chalk today up as a success.

Law school is not real life.

They don't compare law school to The Hunger Games for no reason. These exams are 4 hours long and they take the full 4 hours. I'm not much of a breakfast eater, so exams are a battle against my knowledge, classmates, and hanger. 

I vastly underestimated Torts. My professor was so cute and brought a tea set to class and used the funniest, dark-humorest examples, so I felt comfortable. I shouldn't have. Also, the exam was scheduled for 1-5 PM and those are prime napping hours, so it was rough going. I need a full day + a night out drinking to recover from that shit show.

I've woken up in the middle of the night a few times now, thinking of something I should have included on an exam. DAMNIT I DIDN'T FINISH THE FREAKING SHOE TEST. It was unnecessary to finish it, but I should've done so for argument's sake. I'M GOING TO FAIL.

Tomorrow is the Last Battle. I anticipate this one being slightly traumatic, as I will not be able to take an outline in with me. 

POST-EXAMS
I am not there yet. But I anticipate a whole lot of this once I'm done:

While my expectations for my grades aren't great, they aren't dismal either. I've heard it's pretty damn hard to fail out of law school. 

Wish me luck on this last one!