Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Welcome to Law-Law-Land

I don't know why this one has been so hard to write. Wrapping up 1L year, starting an internship, and filling my weekends with travel + training has wiped me of all creativity and comedy. I'm currently laid up in bed, covered in the most heinous-looking mosquito bites ever seen, high on my own special type of purple drank (Benadryl + red wine because a girl's gotta get her Peeno Noir Midsize Car on), so I figured now is as good a time as any to overcome my writer's block.

Finishing 1L, I finally feel like this whole law school thing is actually happening. As we all know, I don't have the greatest track record with sticking with real life decisions. (If I ever say that I'm going to teach at a law school, shoot me.) A year down and $50,000 of Uncle Sam's Monopoly money, and I guess I will fully commit to this thing. So here are some things I learned from my first year in this hellhole:

>> Be afraid. Be very afraid. 
There are too many reasons to be afraid of law school. (1) Lawyers are terrible. Future lawyers are even worse. These people are just asshats. Asshats who will wield a fair amount of power in the future. (2) Doing poorly is bad, but doing well is also kinda sucky because then you have all sorts of commitments like Law Review and whatnot. I wouldn't know. (3) At the end of this, there's THE BAR.

>> Summertime sadness.
Class is finished, exams are over, and now you get 3 long months of relaxation. 
Apparently, law school summers mean working full-time (often for free or academic credit, which you can't even exchange for wine WTH AMERICA) and also probably taking a class because who needs free time after 9 months of terrible?? You spent a good portion of spring semester searching for a summer internship and you got one! Yay! Rest on those laurels, right? Except now you have to spend your summer searching for a fall internship. It never ends.

>> Hydrate.
Shout out to the one who's been there for me through all the tough times: WINE.
But water has been my savior this past year. Bored at work? Drink a ton of water and then you have an excuse to get up and walk around every so often. Don't want to get called on in class? Drink a ton of water and you have an excuse to get up and walk around every so often.

>> I am way underqualified. for everything. but so is everyone else.
I have zero skillz to offer law firms. I don't really think that feeling goes away. As someone who constantly underestimates herself, I anticipate feeling ill-prepared and unqualified until the day I die. If you are ever a future client of mine, I apologize.

But having taken classes all year with a bunch of future lawyers, let me tell you: avoid legal trouble. at least I only think that I'm un(der)qualified; I know for a fact that many of these people (who will eventually pass THE BAR) are stupid as hell. so seriously, avoid having to hire one of these idiots.

>> professional school =/= professionalism
Oh, how I miss the "drama" at UD. I thought that was bad. law school is what I imagine high school was like for people who peaked in high school. except with a ton more stress and a lot less parental supervision. 

These people don't seem to understand how judgmental I am and how long my memory is. You may think that, 10 years from now, I'll be able to see you at happy hour and not recall your drunken lesbian hook-up with a section-mate on Halloween, but think again. Think again.

>> Embrace the douche
Law students are the absolute worst. I include myself in that. But let us have this. Because the job market sucks, we'll be slaving away for the next 50 years to pay off loans, and everybody already hates us. Embracing the douche ("climbing down" as Jack Donaghy would say) just makes us feel better about these super-iffy choices we've made in our lives.

I had a bunch more things I learned. I promise. But I just finished a super hard workout + it's a million degrees outside + lots and lots of wine. My brain is done.
P.S. My mom has been repeatedly requesting another blog post, so I'm hoping that this will spur her to deposit a little something-something into my bank account. Preferably before I have to pay rent again. Because I may not be able to. #nomoneymoproblems

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