Sunday, December 14, 2014

Great Expectations

A brief excerpt from my forthcoming biography:
The man stepped carefully into the dark apartment, his headlamp creating an eerie glow.
"No one's been seen entering or leaving in a hundred years. Who knows what we'll find inside."
A fine layer of Cheeto dust covered every surface, stirring up as the exploratory team moved gingerly through the gloomy foyer. The opening theme song of Gilmore Girls could be heard, echoing faintly from a back room, like an upbeat, feminist funeral dirge.
Their leader came to an abrupt stop, as his foot slipped in a scarlet puddle. 
"Blood, sir?"
"No, red wine...and tears."

I retain my right to use Cosby gifs, even with the recent scandal. WHATEVER.
"We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition."
I had had a beautiful finals study schedule written out for Thanksgiving break, but a certain tyrannical 2-year-old wasn't having it. So December 1st, it was. 
The study carrels were occupied at all hours, but I am not one who can get anything done in that room, so I took up residence at my local, giant-corporate-coffee-chain. 
Trusty Sbux. Ever loyal. They've seen a lot of me over the past two weeks. I've mixed it up and gone to some of the fab coffee shops Houston has to offer, but my Rice Village Sbux remains steadfast. Close to home with plenty of parking = perfect for this little curmudgeon. 

My fellow Starbucks-lovers leave a bit to be desired, though:

A very hipster barista spoke about how he's not even on Facebook, he's on "Ello", this new app. I don't think he realized how close my head was to exploding; the amount of hot air + hipsterness he was babbling was depressurizing the room. Or something. I'm in law school, not science academy. 

It took a guy 5 minutes to think of the program he used to illegally download music back in the 2000s. Meanwhile, I got 3 questions wrong on my Barbri quiz because my brain was shouting "LIMEWIRE LIMEWIRE LIMEWIRE" and there wasn't any more room in there for Civ Pro thoughts.

The man next to me sang along to Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas is You", in falsetto & under his breath. I was emoji-steam-coming-out-of-my-ears.

But, even with these people all around, I am grateful for them. They provide exactly the amount of white noise & distraction I need when studying.
Par exemple:
I watched a very fluffy dog eat his puppuccino and then destroy the cup. That's how I felt about my outline. 
At this point, I felt under control. Things were tough, but manageable. What naïveté...

" shutting out the light of day, she had shut out infinitely more; that, in seclusion, she had secluded herself from a thousand natural healing influences; that, her mind, brooding solitary, had grown diseased..."
I've gone completely insane during these two weeks. I would list out all the weird things I've done, but that would be self-incrimination. 
My apartment is littered in diet Coke cans, I've done my nails approximately 60 times (to avoid studying), and my desktop is covered in cat gifs to cheer me up. I am listening to weird things on repeat: last night was the a cappella version of "Chandelier", today it's the Muppet Christmas Carol soundtrack. 
I didn't think I would ever get to use this picture. Chalk today up as a success.
Law school is not real life.

They don't compare law school to The Hunger Games for no reason. These exams are 4 hours long and they take the full 4 hours. I'm not much of a breakfast eater, so exams are a battle against my knowledge, classmates, and hanger. 

I vastly underestimated Torts. My professor was so cute and brought a tea set to class and used the funniest, dark-humorest examples, so I felt comfortable. I shouldn't have. Also, the exam was scheduled for 1-5 PM and those are prime napping hours, so it was rough going. I need a full day + a night out drinking to recover from that shit show.
I've woken up in the middle of the night a few times now, thinking of something I should have included on an exam. DAMNIT I DIDN'T FINISH THE FREAKING SHOE TEST. It was unnecessary to finish it, but I should've done so for argument's sake. I'M GOING TO FAIL.

Tomorrow is the Last Battle. I anticipate this one being slightly traumatic, as I will not be able to take an outline in with me. 
I am not there yet. But I anticipate a whole lot of this once I'm done:
While my expectations for my grades aren't great, they aren't dismal either. I've heard it's pretty damn hard to fail out of law school. 
Wish me luck on this last one!

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