Monday, January 16, 2017

"Am I Even Allowed Here?" Is the Title of My Biography

So...hi. It's been awhile. Weird how that happened. Am I even allowed back?
Let's all blame it on Obama and have a moment of silence for his failed presidency & final days in office (not that we're counting down or anything). 

And now let's refocus on me:
I start my final day of law school tomorrow. 
Remember when I went to law school - on a whim - just to avoid having to be an adult?
Nobody told me it would go so quickly and adulthood would once again loom menacingly on the horizon!

Quick recap of the minuscule, teeny, so-slight-you-must-have-imagined-it time during which I neglected dear old blog (and the reason for the title of this post):
I spent a fair amount of the spring semester secluded in my journal office studying into the wee hours of the morning, repeatedly asking the security guard if it was okay for me to be there at such weird times. 
For the first half of the summer, I worked as a law clerk at a small firm, where I was treated horribly and given far more responsibility than I felt ready for. Weekly happy hour was spent checking that everyone else felt just as inadequate and not-at-all-prepared-for-real-life (misery loves company and whatnot.)
I interned in a court during the second half of the summer, and I got to sit with the bailiff during a capital murder trial. Naturally, I asked anyone who even remotely appeared to be a responsible adult if I should be there because aRE YOU KIDDING ME THERE WAS A MURDERER IN THE ROOM WITH ME I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE CALLED MY MOM FOR PERMISSION.
In the fall, I took on far too many responsibilities and people kept coming to me for advice, so I learned the fine art of inwardly asking if I should even be here ("here" being law school, in a position of authority, adulthood, etc.). I also learned exactly how quickly I can finish an entire bottle of wine and still wake up in time to fight downtown Houston traffic. 

And now we are here. 
The start of my final semester. 
If you are wondering what spring semester of 3L looks like:
 And if you are wondering what spring semester of 3L feels like, it's a combination of:
The next few months of this blog will likely look eerily similar to the first few months of this blog - a desperate search for a job, figuring out what I want to do in life (this time focused on lawyerly stuff), and a lot of feigned-but-often-very-real apathy. 

My saving grace: remembering some of the folks who failed even harder than I did for even longer than I did. 

  • Kristen Wiig: job-hopped (probably a barista, TBH) until SNL found her at age 32
  • JK Rowling: unemployed & super depressed before HP was published when she was 31
  • Andrea Bocelli: went to law school & worked as a lawyer for a year before being discovered AND LEFT THE LEGAL FIELD BEHIND TO JUST SING HIS LITTLE HEART OUT (obviously my personal fave)
Wish me luck! Or send wine. Whatever. 

Except now I'm 26. EXCEPT NOW I'M 26.