Sunday, January 5, 2014



I don't understand why we don't hijack all activities/businesses
and make it okay to drink wine in said activities/businesses. 
Why did it just occur to someone that we can drink while painting
and people will pay crazy money for it?
And why did they stop there?
Central Market has the right idea:
they let you drink wine while grocery shopping.
Let's start something, people. 
Pinot at the post office, Malbec at the mall, a Bordeaux at the bank.
We'll call ourselves the Red Revolution. 
I am drinking wine while doing my nails. 
Not at all the same result as drinking wine while someone else does your nails.

This post was initially going to be about misheard lyrics. 
I have a serious issue with not understanding the words to songs
and then, when challenged, swearing vehemently that my version is right. 
(Spoiler: it rarely is.)

But then I realized that some of the lyrics I was hearing
were right and just weird as hell. 
So now this post is about the stupid lyrics I must be hearing wrong, but am not. 

"Spice Up Your Life" Spice Girls
This one came out when I was 7, 
so, when listening at 23, I thought I had been a weird little girl
with a crazy imagination. 
True, but not in this case. 

I think what really got me was:

{Yellow man in Timbuktu, 
Colour for both me and you 
Kung fu fighting, 
Dancing queen 
Tribal spaceman 
and all that's in between} 

But also:

{We moonwalk the foxtrot 
Then polka the salsa} 

No, you don't, girls. Because that's impossible. 
Seven-year old me tried it. 

"50 Ways to Say Goodbye" Train
Get it. A Train…wreck. HA!

{She'll think I'm Superman
Not super Minivan
How could you leave on Yom Kippur?}

I love Jews more than the average person. 
I can't really explain it, but I do. 
So, I thought I was forcing some Semitic love on these lyrics, 
but no. 
Train really does mention Yom Kippur. 

"One Week" Barenaked Ladies

Just the whole thing
In it's entirety. 
Not one thing makes sense. 
That can't be what he's saying…
Yes, it can. 
"Loser" Beck

{In the time of chimpanzees
I was a monkey}

Not a great start, Beck. 

{You get a parking violation
And a maggot on your sleeve
So shave your face
With some mace in the dark}

A reasonable reaction to a parking ticket & disgusting larva, I'm sure.
Is he really…? Yes. 

"Flightless Bird, American Mouth" Iron & Wine

The song is actually really beautiful, 
and maintains it's beauty even after you know the lyrics, 
which is quite a feat:

{Now I'm a fat house cat
Nursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats
Curl through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold and clean
Blood of Christ mountain stream}


And here's these for good measure:

Happy Epiphany! 


  1. HAHAHA! I'm dying. this is all too hilarious!

  2. Did you know the song Semi Charmed Life was all about meth? B/c I did not catch that until like a year ago when I was listening to it...p.s. loving your blog!

    1. I think I had heard that somewhere, but blocked it out because I just want to remember singing along in the car when I was too little for that stuff haha and thanks! I'm so glad people read it!