Monday, April 22, 2013

Mary's Adventures in Unemployment-land

I have been unemployed for longer than I would like to admit (I'm sure some of you could do the math, unless you went to UD). My time in the unemployment line can be divided into distinct periods. For the first bit, I celebrated my freedom from the education wasteland that had employed me. I drank like I was still in college, I slept in every day, I shopped like I was still getting paid; in short, I YOLO-ed with the best of them. In my head, I had to relish those days because they were going to be limited. I was going to find a job.
The Age of Innocence.

Next came the Panic of 2013-similar to that of 1837, but less banking and fewer handlebar mustaches. I was a little manic in sending out job applications. I was very naive, though. It was my (mistaken) understanding that a college degree meant something, so I certainly didn't need to slum it in retail or the food industry.
That thought didn't last long. 

Then there was the Great Depression.
(I am fully aware that my timeline is inaccurate, but I was an education major, so cut me some slack.) For a brief period of time, I gave up the job search. I wallowed. Nobody knew sorrow like my sorrow. Then, I realized that that attitude wasn't really fair to my financier (also known as Dr. Deal). As such, I'm back and slightly more realistic as to what jobs are out there for a recent college grad who wants nothing to do with her field of expertise. 
A retail job would be just lovely.

In the meantime, I've found several ways to occupy my time. If ever you find yourself unemployed (re: with lots of free time), I've compiled a list of the things I like to do to while away the long days:

1. Read: Ugh. The UD afterglow hasn't faded. The only thing that counteracts the need to read is vacuity, and that comes in the form of Teen Vogue & Seventeen. No shame. 

2. Netflix: I am embarrassed to admit how many movies/series I've watched. It's like college all over again. However, I share my account with my family, so they do know how often I Netflix (it's a verb now) and some have tried to address it as a problem. 
This is how I feel about that:

3. GTL (but not really L): I view both working out & tanning as multitasking activities. I get fit/tan, listen to music, read a book, and plan my comeback. I'm a machine. 

4. Visit UD: Because nothing says "well-adjusted adult" like reliving your glory days at your alma mater as often as you can. 

5. Projects! Can one be a housewife without a house or spouse? Regardless, I am a home-ec queen and Pinterest is my kingdom. Past roommates can attest to my domestic goddess-hood. 

(Clockwise: Bar cart in-progress, frame, skirt)

That being said, I hope to God you don't find yourself in this position. Mostly because this is where I fear I'll end up:

And I'll leave you with that. 


Thursday, April 11, 2013

I'm a blogger! I blog!

In the words of Kid Rock, this is "for all my hoods of the world misunderstood" and "all my homies in the county in cell block six". 

If you don't understand the title of this post to be a What About Bob? quote twisted for situational comedy, then go rent a copy (RIP Blockbuster) and figure out your life. 
(You know you want to click that link.)

This will be a lifestyle blog. As in, the life and styles of Yours Truly. I am not a blogger by nature (is anyone, really? PHILOSOPHY, Y'ALL.), but I am very good at talking about myself. I've been told that I should blog, and like any 20-something who doesn't know what to do with her life, I follow orders well. 

1. I fully embrace my Southern roots with pearls & monograms & all the crazy that flows forth from said roots. 
2. I am very Texan. I don't feel like I need to elaborate on that. 
3. My sassiness will speak for itself. Often, it speaks for me, as well. 
4. I'm super duper Catholic. Just call me Mary Katherine Gallagher
(Go ahead and give that one a little clickety-clack, too.)

Anything else you find out about me will be because I'm not a very good spy. Or because I'm bad at secrets. Or because you plied me with alcohol (feel free).