Monday, April 22, 2013

Mary's Adventures in Unemployment-land

I have been unemployed for longer than I would like to admit (I'm sure some of you could do the math, unless you went to UD). My time in the unemployment line can be divided into distinct periods. For the first bit, I celebrated my freedom from the education wasteland that had employed me. I drank like I was still in college, I slept in every day, I shopped like I was still getting paid; in short, I YOLO-ed with the best of them. In my head, I had to relish those days because they were going to be limited. I was going to find a job.
The Age of Innocence.

Next came the Panic of 2013-similar to that of 1837, but less banking and fewer handlebar mustaches. I was a little manic in sending out job applications. I was very naive, though. It was my (mistaken) understanding that a college degree meant something, so I certainly didn't need to slum it in retail or the food industry.
That thought didn't last long. 

Then there was the Great Depression.
(I am fully aware that my timeline is inaccurate, but I was an education major, so cut me some slack.) For a brief period of time, I gave up the job search. I wallowed. Nobody knew sorrow like my sorrow. Then, I realized that that attitude wasn't really fair to my financier (also known as Dr. Deal). As such, I'm back and slightly more realistic as to what jobs are out there for a recent college grad who wants nothing to do with her field of expertise. 
A retail job would be just lovely.

In the meantime, I've found several ways to occupy my time. If ever you find yourself unemployed (re: with lots of free time), I've compiled a list of the things I like to do to while away the long days:

1. Read: Ugh. The UD afterglow hasn't faded. The only thing that counteracts the need to read is vacuity, and that comes in the form of Teen Vogue & Seventeen. No shame. 

2. Netflix: I am embarrassed to admit how many movies/series I've watched. It's like college all over again. However, I share my account with my family, so they do know how often I Netflix (it's a verb now) and some have tried to address it as a problem. 
This is how I feel about that:

3. GTL (but not really L): I view both working out & tanning as multitasking activities. I get fit/tan, listen to music, read a book, and plan my comeback. I'm a machine. 

4. Visit UD: Because nothing says "well-adjusted adult" like reliving your glory days at your alma mater as often as you can. 

5. Projects! Can one be a housewife without a house or spouse? Regardless, I am a home-ec queen and Pinterest is my kingdom. Past roommates can attest to my domestic goddess-hood. 

(Clockwise: Bar cart in-progress, frame, skirt)

That being said, I hope to God you don't find yourself in this position. Mostly because this is where I fear I'll end up:

And I'll leave you with that. 


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