Hot Hot Heat/Ice Ice Baby

I had this really awesome post planned 

but when I sat down to write it, 

my brain was fried from walking downtown in 102° heat. 

Inspired by such hellacious (literally) conditions, 

this post came to be.

Have no fear, though- 

that aforementioned really-awesome-post will be written. 

Just let my brain cool off, first. 

(Sidenote: I'm sitting in Starbucks listening to the barista

explain that she meant for her tattoo to say "No Regrets" in French

but she misspelled it. And she's totally fine with it

because that's the whole point of the tattoo, right?

Isn't it ironic? Ugh.)

(She's also used 4 curse words in the last 5 minutes & talked about her "real dad" with a customer. 

She has a job & I don't. 

Whaaaat??)

Here's a list of places I would rather be right now:

«1. Floating the river»

Doesn't that sound glorious?

Being lazy in the water while drinking?

The closest I have to that right now is sipping a BLL while in the shower. 

#sorryimnotsorry

«2. Pitkin, CO»

Taken in July. Just kidding. But maybe.

Also known as the middle of nowhere. 

This picture is actually nearby Gunnison, CO. 

Apparently, Google Images doesn't think pictures of Pitkin are worthwhile.  

Either way, I was there in May-ish 2011, and it snowed every day. 

Snow. In May. 

«3. In the frozen ocean with Jack»

Cold + Leonard DiCaprio? Yes, please. 

Rose was such a sucker for letting him go.

(Is it still too soon for Titanic jokes? I don't know the proper joke etiquette.)

«4. On this mountain»

I've never fallen while skiing (brag), but I would totally take a tumble into this. 

«5. In this music video»

Awkwafina "Mayor Bloomberg (Giant Margaritas)"

I just want to drink really cold alcoholic drinks all day. 

That started out seriously, 

and then I took a left turn into Crazy somewhere around the Titanic.

It's just TOO DARN HOT.

I was in this musical in high school, so I'm compelled to reference it. 

The sprinklers just came on. 

Excuse me, while I go lie down in the spray. 

P.S. A homeless man offered me a beer as I walked home. 

'Merica.