Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Rest of My Life?

Citizens of Blogland:

I got a job!

Don't get too excited. 
I'm only temping with a law firm, 
but it's money in the bank. (Shawty, what you drank?)

Also, I'm pretty miserable. 
I thought being unemployed for so long was my lowest point, 
but then I got a jooooob.
Now I'm just like every other schmuck
and I really can't understand why more people don't commit suicide 
on their way home from the office.

Maybe because this is waiting for them at home?
I am embracing employment, Mad Men-style.

I'm pretty sure wage laws are being broken, 
because I'm basically making child-sweat-shop money. 
I keep having to tell myself that this job is temporary, 
and I can leave whenever I want to. 

That might end up being really soon. 

A little blogging, Twilight-style:
About three things I was absolutely positive.
First, I was not meant for work.
Second, there was part of me--and I didn't know how potent that part might be--
that wanted to die.
And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably upset about my life.


I hummed this all day yesterday. 

I am the very model of a modern secretary.

I'm probably going to get fired because of it. Whateva.

Today, my drive home took TWO HOURS.
I love me some Texas Rangers, but if one of their games holds me up like that again, 
I'm going all hari kari on them.

Luckily, my car also functions as a discoteca when tuned to the right stations.
XM Pop2K does the job juuuuust fine.
Music from the best years of my life? Please and thank you. 
After all, when was the last time you heard the Thong Song?
For me, it's only been a couple of hours, thanks to Pop2K.

Life epiphany: I am Andy Bernard. 


This foray into legal life has me questioning everything. 
I've been reading through this series of articles on the Art of Manliness:

As I haven't gotten through the articles, I don't really have any more to say about that. 
I'll let you know how it goes.
Mabes say a little prayer for my future?
K thanks.

Now, I'm going to go look at the Animals section of Buzzfeed & Pinterest 
to make myself feel better. 


  1. No. I, in fact, am Andy Bernard.

  2. I want you to know that I noticed what you did there with the hair kari/Harry Caray thing. Niiiiiiiiiiiice.