Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Things I'm Terrible At.

My most popular blog posts were written during a series of deep, dark depressions.
Y'all only like me when I'm sad. 

You'll be happy to hear, then, that sad times are a-comin': Mary is officially a working girl.
I know that this is old news, 
but I almost quit after a week, so obviously this whole job thing should
gift us some pretty blog-worthy things. 

Inspired by Carly from the Pinot Project &
in the spirit of job-hood, here's a list of things (other than working) that I'm terrible at:

I abhor chores.
Living alone makes that hatred perfectly acceptable, 
because only I have to live in the filth. 
Honestly, I do better when I live with other people, 
but the hatred & lassitude never fully go away. 
I usually just half-ass everything. 
If I don't know EXACTLY what the tag says, 
then I just kind of guess how a garment should be laundered. 
White gym socks & white work blouse? Y'all must go together, fabric be damned.
#YOLO: you only launder once.

« Not Interrupting»
I come from a long line of opinionated people. 
We are right, and you are wrong, and your ignorance cannot
be allowed to infiltrate our hearing any longer. 
You must be interrupted. 

For example, 
(these conversations may or may not have actually occurred)

Fool: "Isn't Europe just so much better than Amer--"
Me: "America is the best, you Commie Canuck."

Fool: "Can I see you're answer for numb--"
Me: "I can HEAR you using the wrong 'your', idiot."

« Confrontation»
Avoid it at all costs. 
I don't even want to write about it now. 

When given a schedule, I do great. 
When making a schedule for myself, it's a pointless waste of time.
When I first became unemployed, 
I made this beautiful schedule in which I made time
for working out, snacks, prayer, everything.
Ask me how long that lasted.
(Not one single day.)

«Dating in the Real World»
Granted, I've only been on a couple of dates since graduating from college.

I don't think it's because I'm ugly; mostly, I'm just awkward. 
But real world dating is the worst. 
Trying to meet someone outside of your little college bubble 
is like Lord of the Flies.
Primitive & savage & not worth my time.

Not really that kind of primitive. But kind of.

«Video Games»
In all honesty, I've only played video games, like, twice. 
But I was terrible, 
and I don't see it getting any better. 
Give me an old-fashioned board game any day.

That's it. 
That's all I'm bad at.
Don't question it. 

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