WWJD?

I'm a bad blogger. 

I no longer have internet in my apartment, 

and my hours at work make it difficult to work up the energy to 

go to Starbucks.

I'll do better?

Anyway:

Life is hard. 

Not mentally-straining hard, 

but keep-my-mouth-shut-because-I-have-nothing-nice-to-say hard. 

I frequently find myself having to take a step back 

and remind myself that the scenarios that play out in my head

cannot happen, for moral or legal reasons. 

I used to hate that phrase, WWJD?

Like the constant reminder of my sinfulness is helpful. 

But recently I realized that thinking about what Jesus would do

is super therapeutic. 

Because Jesus is an unpredictable fellow.  

Scenario 1:

There's a girl at work who seems stuck in that terrible middle school phase

of wanting attention, be it good or bad. 

She sits in my office area and just taaaaaalks

about her maybe-abusive boyfriend, 

how she's still intoxicated from the night before, 

her shirt that dyes her armpits but not her bra...

nothing is off-limits. 

My first reaction was the intense desire to smack her across the mouth. 

But WWJD?

Jesus would turn that water cooler into a wine cooler

and get over it. 

It's a heck of a lot easier to ignore someone

when you're on the way to drunk. 

Scenario 2:

At this point, much of my job consists of calling clients

asking for missing documents or payments that haven't been made. 

99.9% of our clientele are poor, ghetto people

(not saying anything about race)

who think that, by coming to our firm, they no longer need to participate in their bankruptcy. 

They don't want to find that 2011 tax return

and they sure as hell can't afford to make that payment

(don't even get me started on the unnecessary things they can seem to afford).

This means that I spend most of my time getting cussed at over the phone, 

not to mention the times I get cussed at in person when I'm working the reception desk. 

I would really like to cuss back

(but I don't because I'm a white girl with no experience in this sort of thing).

WWJD?

Jesus would flip the crap out of that desk, 

make a scourge out of the twisty phone cords, 

and drive those rude people out of my office.

Scenario 3:

An old, braided jerk on a motorcycle honked at me

and waved for me to get out of the fast lane, 

despite the long line of slow cars in front of me. 

I really really wanted to throw open my car door 

and vehicle-clothesline him as I drove past. 

But WWJD?

Most definitely not that. 

But he might curse his motorcycle & cause it to wither, 

a la fig tree. 

"And he said to it, 'May no one ever drive poorly on you again.'

And the disciples heard it."

(bastardization of Mark 11)

And that's all I can really think of. 

There are tons of other situations that test my patience, 

trust. 

But for brevity's sake (and so y'all don't think I'm too horrible of a person),

I'll stop there. 

Sorry for being blasphemous or whatever.