Thursday, February 13, 2014

To All My Ladiez That Be Livin It Up

To get to my grocery store, I have to drive down 
the hipster-Mecca of Greenville Ave.
It's super cute, don't get me wrong; 
on Saturdays, though, it is annoyingly packed with idiot SMU clones.
On this particular Saturday, the weather was crisp, the sun was shining, 
and the girls in leggings & sorority shirts abounded. 
Maybe if I wasn't just getting off work, it wouldn't have bothered me so much, 
but I had reached my stupidity-limit for the week
and I just wasn't having it. Not at all. 

I am exhausted dealing with my generation of females. 
Girls have always been crazy, and we always will be. 
But this particular batch seems to take the cake.


Places Girls Should be Banned Until We Pull Ourselves Together

1. Bars/Restaurants
Until we can manage to put some real clothing on, 
we should not be allowed to step foot in any watering hole. 
During the day, we dress like we are going to bed, 
and in the evening, we dress like decently-priced prostitutes. 
I don't care if it's a lazy Saturday,
you can manage to struggle into some jeans & a top that fits. 
When you show up in what amounts to exercise clothes, 
it tells me that you don't value me enough to actually make an effort. 
Which leads to evening wear:
It appears that you "value" those bar fellows a little more than they deserve, 
by the way you're showing the goods.
For the love of all things holy, put some damn clothes on. 
I am not a prude, I promise. 
But when I go to a bar and feel like I need to remove at least three items of clothing 
in order to fit in, there's a problem.
As a fellow female, if I am uncomfortable seeing so much of you, 
do you really think you are commanding 
respect from the menfolk?
Girls love to love Audrey, Jackie, & Grace but it's a superficial love.
You know what those ladies had in common?
Some semblance of class. 
Looking put-together is valuing yourself & respecting others. 
Figure it out, ladiez.
2. Co-ed schools
I went to a co-ed public school & did just fine, 
but I feel more and more like I was the exception rather than the rule.
Put us around boys and we turn into drooling morons.
There are two options here:
1. Girls are playing dumb
If this is true, I am done done done. 
I just can't. 
But this is still better than...
2. Girls really are that stupid
Please don't tell me. My heart can't take it.

The only way to stuff knowledge into our brains
is to completely isolate us from men-folk until we have been properly formed.
If we can respect ourselves & our intelligence, 
we might not embarrass the entire female gender the next time a cute boy speaks.
Get thee (temporarily) to a nunnery & get yourself learned.
3. The workplace (excluding nursing & teaching)
I am of the opinion that women are divinely intended to be mothers and homemaker.
Any other job you can do that first allows you to fulfill your children
is the cherry on top of your glorious life. 
But I understand that there are times when solely being a mother isn't possible.
In that case, at least attempt to keep the hysterics at a minimum when in the office.
Crying is absolutely not okay. 
I don't care how many articles you read stating that it's allowed
It's not. 
It makes people uncomfortable, and people don't respect you.
(Exception: nurses & teachers.
Y'all can cry if you want to, you deal with a lot.
Teachers, just don't let the kids see. Your tears make them grow like Gremlins.)
Stop causing drama. 
When you create an environment that is more like a reunion episode of Real Housewives, 
you're not being professional, and people don't respect you.
Don't talk about "leaning in". 
Actions speak louder than words.
Having a special term for feminist ideals in the office
makes people focus on the differences between men & women,
and people don't respect you. 
I don't know if you've caught on yet, 
but respect is a key player in this.
Get some, for yourself & others.
…or at least I try. 

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