Thursday, March 20, 2014

The Day the Internets Died

First they came for the cell phones, 
and I did not speak out--
Because I could sneak it in my pocket. 

Then they came for the purses,
and I did not speak out--
Because I could hide it in my desk.

Then they came for the internet, 
and I did not speak out--
Because I thought I could function without it.

Then they came for me--
and there was no one left to speak for me
because we all died of boredom. 

Boss Lady just announced that she will get notifications 
whenever we go to a website that's not approved for work. 
I could barely understand what I was reading, 
due to the blood rushing through my ears and the tightening of my chest. 
That email was like a death knell.
My first week of work, they told us that we couldn't carry our cell phones. 
It was "for our protection" because our clientele is trashy and steals stuff. 
They installed lockers during my first month. 
We were no longer allowed to keep our purses or any other personal items
with us in our offices. 
Again, they cited the "our own protection" reason. 

Now they have taken my internets. 
This is a step too far. 
As Obama would say, 
"I didn't set a red line. [My boss] set a red line."

That's how they get you. 
They gradually increase limitations "for your protection"
until one day, you wake up, and personal liberty is gone. 
Watch yourselves.

We can't even check our email. 
I lived for G-chat. 
Contact with the outside world was the only way I got through my day. 
I read the news. 
How is that a bad thing?
It's not my fault I'm an awesome multi-tasker. 
Also, it's a scientific fact that listening to background music
improves work/school performance. 
Taking these things away from me is detrimental to everyone involved.
And those of you who claim to be "too busy" at work to do personal things, 
I call bull. 
You at least pull up good ole FB on your phone a few times a day. 
Also, you probably have co-workers with whom you can hold a conversation. 
If I wanted to know the best place to buy hoop earrings I could fit my fist through, 
or hear a theory about how all humans are descended from different alien races, 
I would talk to my co-workers. 
But we went through those conversations a while back
(Forever 21 & the alien thing gets uninteresting after the first time), 
so I sit in my office with nothing to do. 

I've been a month ahead in my work for 4 months now. 
That's as far forward as it's possible to work. 
I'm done. 
I finished. 
Is there a prize?

Web-savvy folk, is this a thing she can do?
Is there such technology?
Obvi, NSA has it, but does my boss?

At this point, I feel like my only option is to turn into V for Vendetta. 
Listen for the orchestra, people. 

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