WWJD?

I'm a bad blogger. 

I no longer have internet in my apartment, 

and my hours at work make it difficult to work up the energy to 

go to Starbucks.

I'll do better?

Anyway:

Life is hard. 

Not mentally-straining hard, 

but keep-my-mouth-shut-because-I-have-nothing-nice-to-say hard. 

I frequently find myself having to take a step back 

and remind myself that the scenarios that play out in my head

cannot happen, for moral or legal reasons. 

I used to hate that phrase, WWJD?

Like the constant reminder of my sinfulness is helpful. 

But recently I realized that thinking about what Jesus would do

is super therapeutic. 

Because Jesus is an unpredictable fellow.  

Scenario 1:

There's a girl at work who seems stuck in that terrible middle school phase

of wanting attention, be it good or bad. 

She sits in my office area and just taaaaaalks

about her maybe-abusive boyfriend, 

how she's still intoxicated from the night before, 

her shirt that dyes her armpits but not her bra...

nothing is off-limits. 

My first reaction was the intense desire to smack her across the mouth. 

But WWJD?

Jesus would turn that water cooler into a wine cooler

and get over it. 

It's a heck of a lot easier to ignore someone

when you're on the way to drunk. 

Scenario 2:

At this point, much of my job consists of calling clients

asking for missing documents or payments that haven't been made. 

99.9% of our clientele are poor, ghetto people

(not saying anything about race)

who think that, by coming to our firm, they no longer need to participate in their bankruptcy. 

They don't want to find that 2011 tax return

and they sure as hell can't afford to make that payment

(don't even get me started on the unnecessary things they can seem to afford).

This means that I spend most of my time getting cussed at over the phone, 

not to mention the times I get cussed at in person when I'm working the reception desk. 

I would really like to cuss back

(but I don't because I'm a white girl with no experience in this sort of thing).

WWJD?

Jesus would flip the crap out of that desk, 

make a scourge out of the twisty phone cords, 

and drive those rude people out of my office.

Scenario 3:

An old, braided jerk on a motorcycle honked at me

and waved for me to get out of the fast lane, 

despite the long line of slow cars in front of me. 

I really really wanted to throw open my car door 

and vehicle-clothesline him as I drove past. 

But WWJD?

Most definitely not that. 

But he might curse his motorcycle & cause it to wither, 

a la fig tree. 

"And he said to it, 'May no one ever drive poorly on you again.'

And the disciples heard it."

(bastardization of Mark 11)

And that's all I can really think of. 

There are tons of other situations that test my patience, 

trust. 

But for brevity's sake (and so y'all don't think I'm too horrible of a person),

I'll stop there. 

Sorry for being blasphemous or whatever. 

Workin' for the Weekend (& the Whiskey)

The law firm apparently sees something in me (ha!)

because they gave me a promotion, raise, & office after my first week.

Even with all that cushiness, work is rough. 

My hours kind of suck & I work on Saturdays. 

Not at conducive to my party lifestyle, obvi.

Plus, dealing with the average person is...

hard.

I also have different viewpoints on bankruptcy

than do the people I work with. 

(That's not random: it's a bankruptcy law firm.)

I understand that sometimes bad things happen to good people, 

but that's not really what I'm seeing at work. 

It's pretty widely-known that I'm a good ole elephant, politically, 

so you can draw your own conclusions as to my 

feelings concerning the kind of person I see daily. 

In short: I'm sympathetic to their plight, but also not really. 

Some days, 

I can barely make it to my break

so I don't explode a la Office Space. 

I've been seriously contemplating the ramifications

of stealing creamers from the break room.

(Please understand that reference.)

I take my break time seriously, 

which is why today sucked so entirely

because I spent my lunch hour getting my car fixed.

But usually, 

I try to find somewhere quiet, steal their internets, Facebook a little, 

and listen to some muzak. 

Here's a little of what I've been listening to lately, just to make it through the work day:

Do you have a lunch-hour routine?

On another note, does anyone out there actually enjoy their coworkers?

(Please let me know, so I have some hope for the world.)

The Sunday Currently, Vol. 2

At some point while I was working my little fingers to the bone (employment what what), 

I hit 2,000 views!

Also, my tweet got retweeted by Catholic Girl Probs! 

I feel famous.

CURRENTLY...

READING: The Monuments Men by Robert Edsel. So good, so far. I like a book that makes me feel inspired, impressed, & inadequate, all at the same time. Plus, the movie (coming out in December!) stars George Clooney, so I'm goooood to gooooo.

WRITING: Ugh. I never actually finished/posted that letter to KP. I'm the worst pen pal in the world. And as always, to-do lists. 

LISTENING: The Essential Paul Simon. SO many singable songs.

THINKING: I would be totally fine getting married & never working again. I feel like my job hunt has been slightly more dramatic than most + I'm so done after only two weeks at work. Sorry, feminism. 

SMELLING: Vanilla, from my DDP + vodka. I'm not sure if my synapses are firing funny, but it smells of vanilla to me. 

WISHING: I was friends with Zsa Zsa Gabor. I just realized that she is still alive, and she definitely has some great stories. 

HOPING: My end-of-August move goes well. It probably won't, though, because I have a bad habit of worrying about something but not actually working to fix the problem. Don't be surprised if August 31 hits and not a single box is packed...

WEARING: UD shirt + VS boxers. I worked all day; get off my back. 

When I wear the full set, I too only button two buttons. 

Because my belly button gets hot, obviously.

LOVING: 90's tunes. I start my mornings with LFO Pandora while I get ready for work, then drive into Dallas with the 90s XM station blasting. For such an awful time period, the music produced was on point. This one's really been getting to me:

First slow dance everrrr.

WANTING: a kebab. I went to this fab Greek restaurant for my brother-in-law's birthday a couple of nights ago, and now I'm craving all the food from my semester in Europe. Kebabs played a significant role in my life then, mostly because they were super cheap, super accessible (they're sold on the street), and super tasty. Made from lamb & heaven, these are not the "shish"-type kebab that Americans so foolishly accept as food. 

Glorious.

Also, this happened. (Belly)dancing queen!

NEEDING: To be more on top of things. I guess being tired/busy isn't a very good excuse for not paying bills? (Just kidding, Mom. Calm down.)

FEELING: Exhausted. I started working at a bankruptcy law firm a couple of weeks ago, and I was warned about "Foreclosure Weekend". At the time, I brushed it off because I'm tough/I wasn't sure I was going to be around/I was overwhelmed by everything. Today was the dreaded day, and I now have a healthy respect for & appropriate fear of Foreclosure Weekend. Also, I think just the fact that I have to work on Saturdays makes me tired. 

I'm a pretty cute paralegal, though, right?

CLICKING: Deets on Tax Free Weekend in my Great State. They moved it to a new weekend, so I'm online window-shopping. Gotta go in with a plan, Stan.