Hot Mess Express

I just applied for a job

and had to fill out a 12-page survey that read like a psychiatric exam. 

How many different ways are there to ask if I adapt well to changes in my work environment?

At least 6, as evidenced by this piece of nonsense. 

This is a retail job, not the Pentagon. 

(And let's be real, it's probably easier to get a job at the Pentagon, these days. 

#obamaprobz #obamasGOTprobz)

Also, I'm pretty sure the bag of pretzels that I just purchased is stale. 

Like, it was stale when I opened it. 

And I've just been eating them anyway. 

Add a little schmear, and we're good to go. 

(My depression manifests as an older, Jewish woman.)

Regardless of the state of my mind/pretzels, 

here's a playlist that helps me through those times I'm riding the non-stop, 
high-speed train to Crazytown:

And here's the playlist you can actually listen to, for good measure:

I was going to do an end-of-summer playlist, 

but this was so much more applicable plus it's a playlist I already had compiled. 

Less work, ya know. 

My life's a mess at the moment.

I'm not at all okay with it, 

but my current mantra is that whole fake-it-til-you-make-it thing. 

It totally sucks being around people who appear to have their lives on track

while I'm still lacing up my running shoes & getting directions to the damn track.

HIMYM

But maybe they're faking it too?

via

P.S. My roommate's dog is super pissed at me because I wouldn't let him bring his feather trophy into the house. He's a mess, as well. 

The Sunday Currently, Vol. 4

I don't blog about relationships, but this is relevant:

As is this:

But they're also pretty stupid individually. 

CURRENTLY...

READING: Somehow, I lost my book during the move. It's around here somewhere, but I've been too lazy/busy with work & whatnot to invest time and effort into looking for it. So I'm starting Cyrano de Bergerac. It's a bold endeavor, seeing as it's written in verse, but if worse comes to worst, I'll take a cue from my college-self and just watch the movie. 

This counts, right?

WRITING: Cover letters like crazy. I need a new job, y'all. Paralegal Mary would really like to hang up her hat for good (or at least find a better paralegal position). 

LISTENING: I finally gave a listen to that Ylvis song everyone's been talking about. WTF.

Pardon me for not remembering to drop a little acid before watching. My b. 

(I'm pretty terrible at gauging whether songs are meant to be a joke or not. 

I'm still questioning 'Thrift Shop', 

and considering these guys are Norwegian, they might actually want to know

what noise a fox makes. I don't know their lives.)

After 3 back-to-back viewings, I have to admit that I might never understand, 

so now I'm just listening to the sound of the dishwasher. 

A little neutral noise after that hot mess. 

THINKING: Of a way out of this job. These people love me and will probably never fire me. I'm pretty sure I could kill somebody and they would offer to hide the body. They've been hinting that they want me to stay on through law school & come on as an attorney once I'm finished. I WILL DIE AT THIS LAW FIRM.  

SMELLING: Coffee + freshly-washed hair. Sunday morning, baby.

WISHING: I could tell y'all some of the names I encounter at work. The jokes you hear about ghetto names ARE NOT JOKES, PEOPLE. I have a group message to my family & certain discreet friends. You only wish you were on that recipient list. 

HOPING: To figure out my life right quick. To law school, or not to law school, that is the question.

WEARING: Shorts & a comfortable blouse? It's Sunday. I'll get dressed for real when I meander my way to evening Mass. 

LOVING: Living in Dallas again! I adore Fort Worth, but being near friends is so so good. I do maintain that Fort Worth is a much nicer city and if I could move UD and all of my friends across the metroplex, I would do it in a heartbeat. Plus, the city acronym is "FTW". Fort Worth is literally winning. But Dallas is great and I love my friends blahblahblah. 

WANTING: To shop like crazy. This whole girl-on-a-budget thing isn't really working for me.  

NEEDING: A budget. More coffee. A visit to DC. An oil change & new inspection sticker. Food. Real life, y'all. 

FEELING: Hopeful? Today, I'm attempting a trial run with the business I hinted about and if all goes well, I'll be cranking out products like it's my job (which it could be in the future). I'll keep you updated.

CLICKING: a lot of Pinterest lately. I'm not stealing craft ideas, I'm just trying to get a handle on how to use certain products. I don't have to justify my actions to y'all. 

Another Blog About Nothing?

I had this whole thing planned where I was going to pair 

stock photos of people working with depressing lyrics from musicals

and it was going to adequately express how I'm feeling...

...but then I got tired. 

So this is the only one you get:

I have nothing to blog about. 

Absolutely nothing. 

So let's see where that takes us. 

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There was a bug in my office today, 

which meant I wasn't in my office for a solid 20 minutes

before I rushed in and rolled my chair over its little (giant) body. 

It's the excitement that keeps me at this job, I tell ya. 

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I'm pretty excited for fall. 

It might be that my roommate's actually excited & it was just contagious, 

but everything sounds so good. 

Becca is my Dallas family and we'll be doing all of this.

We've made fall rules, 

which I think is completely normal & not at all crazy. 

We bought autumn-ish candles, but we're not lighting them until September 22. 

No Starbucks fall drinks until September 22. 

No decorating the apartment until September 22. 

September 22 will be a busy, celebratory day. 

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Here's some shoes I can't live without:

The lady who designs shoes for J. Crew calls the pretty shoes "shiny ponies". 

I die. 

 If anyone knows of a job in which I am surrounded by pretty things, 

good LORD let me know already. 

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I'm going through a Dashiell Hammett-phase. 

It started with The Thin Man, progressed to The Maltese Falcon, 

and now I'm watching The Glass Key. 

I would just really like to be Nora Charles. Sue me. 

Those were just better times. 

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I have this idea for a business. 

And I fully understand that every female has an idea for a business

and it never pans out, 

but indulge me. 

Here's a hint: monograms + Catholicism. 

I'm hoping to start on something in the next week or so, 

and if it works out I'll post about it. 

If it doesn't, we'll all just forget this ever happened. 

YOLO.

Sorry for the randomness. 

My inner-blogger just wouldn't cooperate this time around.