Post-Grad House of Horrors

Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday

(after the entire Christmas season, obvi)

so a Halloween-y blog post was in order.

Everything about Halloween is wonderful.

It is seriously the perfect childhood holiday.

Costumes are great, staying up late on a school night is always fun,

being scared with no real fear is fantastic, and the movies are solid.

And candy. Caaaaandy.

As a kid, I ate up those ghost hunter, "true tales" shows

that came on the Travel Channel all through the month of October. 

I had a whole list of abandoned mental hospitals, prisons, and hotels

that I wanted to visit. 

I didn't necessarily believe in anything supernatural; 

it's just that the possibility was so dang cool. 

The things that scared me then aren't the things that scare me now. 

In fact, Young Mary would be confused & probably a little embarrassed

about her future fears. 

But IF my current fears were turned into a Halloween attraction:

Welcome to Mary's Post-Grad House of Horrors

«Insurance»

Oh, the humanity. 

Seriously, just the thought of having to go off of my parents' insurance

makes my heart speed up. 

With what I'm currently making & the numbers I'm hearing about Obamacare, 

I literally couldn't afford healthcare. 

I guess there's always selling organs on the black market...

[Sidenote: Speaking of the ACA, 

I feel like Obama's 5-year plan was just as well thought-out

as mine was...]

«Children»

I want a bunch. 

Like, a litter. 

It wouldn't even offend me if the femi-nazis called me a "puppy mill"

because pups are awesome & I want a Weasley-esque family. 

BUT NOT RIGHT NOW.

Having a kid right now would be like removing all of the lifeboats from the Titanic. 

I'm not doing well as it is--please don't add to my troubles. 

«Law School»

1. The idea of going back to school keeps me up at night

2. What if I hate it? Then I've made this huge commitment 

and I'll (still) be an even huger failure. 

Not technically Halloween-y, but good & scary. So deal with it. 

«Zombies»

This one hasn't changed.

Just searching for a good image made me so scared 

that I had to listen to this for a while to feel better:

«Quitting My Job»

I spent a while unemployed. 

In the grand scheme of things, it won't have been all the long, 

but it was longer than I thought it would be. 

So even though my job is the absolute worst 

(and trust me, it is. I don't write about half

the ridiculous/awful things that occur)

I feel like I can't quit. 

My emotional/mental/physical states would improve, 

but the uncertainty of unemployment is too much.

[Being honest, though: of all the things on this list, this one scares me the least.]

Here's my 4 favorite Halloween movies:

And the 3 scariest Doctor Who monsters:

And the 2 best Halloween-themed music videos:

And my 1 favorite Halloween song-from-a-show:

Poor Little Rich Girl

I've left you alone for a little while, 

mainly because the last time I was this exhausted, 

I was getting home from a semester abroad, 

during which I ran on lots of alcohol, nutella, and very little sleep.  

This isn't nearly as fun.

Two jobs is no joke, y'all. 

I continue to work Saturdays at the law firm, 

but I was also on Saturday's schedule at Anthro. 

Not wanting to rock the boat or get my employee discount taken away (aka FIRED), 

I acquiesced. 

I ended up working from 8:30 AM to midnight. 

It's also one of the busiest Anthropologies in the area, 

so by closing, I was less "how-can-I-help-you" and more:

But I'm making that money, honey
and that's what's important, at this point in my life. 

Except

my employee discount is SO wonderful

that I feel obligated to use it. 

Guess what?

Discount does not mean free. 

Money is still leaving my pocketbook.

 

I might have to get a third job to support the shopping habit

brought on by my second job. 

But:

[Sidenote:

Last night, I had a dream that I won the lottery

and gave $50 million to UD

BUT I specifically stated that it had to be used for professors' salaries. 

For some reason, UD had an issue with that, 

so I ended up writing a personal check to every single professor. 

So at least I'm charitable in my dreams?]

Halloween has gotten weird, now that I'm an adult. 

In college, dressing up was fun & awesome & I wanted to do it every weekend.

Last year, I had a classroom of kids

and school events, so it was still acceptable.

Now, I just feel kind of awkward.

Clearly (I hope I've made it clear), 

I'm not one to dress up in a slutty costume. 

And I don't really have a ton of time to devote to a clever/funny costume. 

I think I've decided on either Princess Batman or Eloise. 

We'll see how it goes. 

Here's something I made you:

Happy christening to Prince George! Slay them dragons!

Also, happy birthday to Edith Head. She led the life of my dreams.

Urban Jungle Gym

My old apartment complex in Fort Worth had a gym, 

so now I'm confronting the problem of where/how to work out. 

Living in the city presents you with many different exercise options, 

but having a desk job is kind of a death sentence. 

Here are some of the options I've considered:

»Pedometer:

Tried, failed. 

It mostly made me sad that I could never hit that daily goal--

not for lack of trying, though. 

I took unnecessary trips to the restroom, went the long way to my office, 

asked a question in person rather than by phone...

but my boss might get a little suspicious when I'm spending

my time fervently staring at the ticking numbers on my phone

while marching in circles. 

Tyrant. 

I started work at Anthro this weekend, 

and I had the very fleeting thought that I could get my goal completed (and then some)

if I walked to NorthPark. 

And then I mapped it

and realized that no one wants to buy anything from someone looking like this:

Reporting for hipster chic duty.

Also, the pedometer app draaaained the life out of my phone. 

NIX.

»UGH Crossfit:

I apologize to those of you who do Crossfit; 

I hate everything about it. 

Mostly, I hate it for women. 

I'm a much bigger (no pun intended) fan

of the soft, Marilyn-esque body. 

A girl at work recently told me 

(and continues to express it at least once a week)

that she's jealous of my "booty". 

I really can't decide if such bootylicious-ness is a good thing, 

but on most days I prefer it to the kind of body that intense Crossfit produces. 

Which brings me to my next point--the CF intensity.

I'm blanket statement-ing here, but CF people are so damn intense about it. 

It's great that you've got something you love, 

but it would be ridiculous if everyone talked constantly about some random hobby.

Facebook would get so annoying--oh, wait...

Also, this can happen. 

»Katy Trail

Since moving back into Dallas, 

I'm only a little ways from the Katy Trail. 

It's awesome for getting outdoors and forcing the realization 

that you'll never afford the houses in Turtle Creek.

And I enjoy running, as much as anyone with 

a bad knee & penchant for sitting around binge-watching TV can. 

My issue is my schedule. 

It's totally possible for me to get up earlier in the morning to run on Katy Trail, 

I just don't want to. 

I'm much more of an evening person.

Except I don't get home from work until 8:30, 

so I don't get to Katy Trail until about 9. 

At 9 PM, Katy Trail is nearly empty,

and it's prime rape-and-kill hours. 

Granted, the fear makes me run faster. 

»Pure Barre

I'm not even going to waste blog time/space on this.

If I had an extra million dollars lying around, 

I wouldn't spend it on overpriced ballet-pilates. 

This sort of thing is for the birds & rich SMU girls. 

I'll probably end up getting a plain, old gym membership.

At least there's a hot tub?

(There better be a hot tub.)