Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014: My Year in (Community) Gifs

Every other blogger is doing a "Best of 2014" or "2014 Reader Favorites" posts. (1) My blog isn't nearly so successful as to have a "best" or "favorite" anything, and (2) my life is not nearly so successful as to have a "best" anything. (But if you guys have any favorite moments from my 2014, please share. One of us should have some appreciation for my year...) 2013 was a year of dramatic ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (like quitting teaching and deciding to go to law school) so my year-end recap was wild and crazy and a little saddening. 2014 seems to have been a feast-or-famine type, with some fairly huge events breaking up long periods of boring awfulness.

A bleak month. I was still working that terrible job and I had to work New Year's Day. Who does that?? January doesn't even deserve a gif. 

Guys, Groundhog. Just the absolute best. Groundhog 2014 is one of my favorite G-hogs, to date. Old friends + new friends + free Pat Green concert + parties in Old Mill without living in Old Mill. This next one has big shoes to fill. 
And I applied to law school and I started keto in February. So I mostly love February.

The internets were taken away at work, I went to a Gatsby party, and all my memories of St. Patty's Day are fuzzy. An odd month. 

I QUIIIIIIIIT that no-good, terrible job in April. I spent this month tanning and shopping and traveling and going to concerts. IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES.

I moved home, to prepare for law school but also because I spent all my money. Whatevs.

Dallas for my favorite 21st birthday I've ever been a part of. 

IRELAAAAAAAAND for my birthday/pre-law school trip.


I moved to Houston. Enough said. 

The start of law school. The start of stress. The start of (hopefully) money someday.

One of those "famine" times I spoke of. Non-stop school with a quick trip to--you guessed it--Dallas. 


Finals. But I'm now 1/6th of the way done with law school and I did just fine in all my classes, so I won't be dropping out. Yaaaaaaaaaaay!
(And to all my 10-day ladies, I wish we could remember that toast we made up in Budapest. Since many of us are teaching or in grad school, may we all find some meaning in our backpacks!)
Also, if you don't watch Community, you're making a huge mistake.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Great Expectations

A brief excerpt from my forthcoming biography:
The man stepped carefully into the dark apartment, his headlamp creating an eerie glow.
"No one's been seen entering or leaving in a hundred years. Who knows what we'll find inside."
A fine layer of Cheeto dust covered every surface, stirring up as the exploratory team moved gingerly through the gloomy foyer. The opening theme song of Gilmore Girls could be heard, echoing faintly from a back room, like an upbeat, feminist funeral dirge.
Their leader came to an abrupt stop, as his foot slipped in a scarlet puddle. 
"Blood, sir?"
"No, red wine...and tears."

I retain my right to use Cosby gifs, even with the recent scandal. WHATEVER.
"We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition."
I had had a beautiful finals study schedule written out for Thanksgiving break, but a certain tyrannical 2-year-old wasn't having it. So December 1st, it was. 
The study carrels were occupied at all hours, but I am not one who can get anything done in that room, so I took up residence at my local, giant-corporate-coffee-chain. 
Trusty Sbux. Ever loyal. They've seen a lot of me over the past two weeks. I've mixed it up and gone to some of the fab coffee shops Houston has to offer, but my Rice Village Sbux remains steadfast. Close to home with plenty of parking = perfect for this little curmudgeon. 

My fellow Starbucks-lovers leave a bit to be desired, though:

A very hipster barista spoke about how he's not even on Facebook, he's on "Ello", this new app. I don't think he realized how close my head was to exploding; the amount of hot air + hipsterness he was babbling was depressurizing the room. Or something. I'm in law school, not science academy. 

It took a guy 5 minutes to think of the program he used to illegally download music back in the 2000s. Meanwhile, I got 3 questions wrong on my Barbri quiz because my brain was shouting "LIMEWIRE LIMEWIRE LIMEWIRE" and there wasn't any more room in there for Civ Pro thoughts.

The man next to me sang along to Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas is You", in falsetto & under his breath. I was emoji-steam-coming-out-of-my-ears.

But, even with these people all around, I am grateful for them. They provide exactly the amount of white noise & distraction I need when studying.
Par exemple:
I watched a very fluffy dog eat his puppuccino and then destroy the cup. That's how I felt about my outline. 
At this point, I felt under control. Things were tough, but manageable. What naïveté...

" shutting out the light of day, she had shut out infinitely more; that, in seclusion, she had secluded herself from a thousand natural healing influences; that, her mind, brooding solitary, had grown diseased..."
I've gone completely insane during these two weeks. I would list out all the weird things I've done, but that would be self-incrimination. 
My apartment is littered in diet Coke cans, I've done my nails approximately 60 times (to avoid studying), and my desktop is covered in cat gifs to cheer me up. I am listening to weird things on repeat: last night was the a cappella version of "Chandelier", today it's the Muppet Christmas Carol soundtrack. 
I didn't think I would ever get to use this picture. Chalk today up as a success.
Law school is not real life.

They don't compare law school to The Hunger Games for no reason. These exams are 4 hours long and they take the full 4 hours. I'm not much of a breakfast eater, so exams are a battle against my knowledge, classmates, and hanger. 

I vastly underestimated Torts. My professor was so cute and brought a tea set to class and used the funniest, dark-humorest examples, so I felt comfortable. I shouldn't have. Also, the exam was scheduled for 1-5 PM and those are prime napping hours, so it was rough going. I need a full day + a night out drinking to recover from that shit show.
I've woken up in the middle of the night a few times now, thinking of something I should have included on an exam. DAMNIT I DIDN'T FINISH THE FREAKING SHOE TEST. It was unnecessary to finish it, but I should've done so for argument's sake. I'M GOING TO FAIL.

Tomorrow is the Last Battle. I anticipate this one being slightly traumatic, as I will not be able to take an outline in with me. 
I am not there yet. But I anticipate a whole lot of this once I'm done:
While my expectations for my grades aren't great, they aren't dismal either. I've heard it's pretty damn hard to fail out of law school. 
Wish me luck on this last one!

Sunday, November 16, 2014

The Sunday Currently, Vol. 7

Look at me, blogging on the regular. I'm a superstar. 

It's been a while since I did one of these. 

READING: This question isn't even fair. Can I just say what I would like to be reading? Because there's a particular young adult novel I haven't read yet + the second Harry Potter book is perched on my bedside table with a bookmark optimistically peeking out from about a quarter of the way through. However, I have ten more pages of reading for Contracts and I haven't even started Torts yet. So there's that.

WRITING: Guuuuuuuuuuuuys. (Imagine that in my whiniest voice possible.) I have a memo due next Monday that is 60% of my grade in one class. I wrote the majority of it today, but went crazy while doing so. If you ever want to know how Rhode Island feels about claims for the negligent infliction of emotional distress, you've come to the right place. Actually, let's wait until I get my grade back before I get all cocky. I thought about turning in 7.5 pages of the word "butt" but figured that the professor expects a bit more than that. 
Secret: When I chat with people during class, I send them this gif and watch their reaction from across the room.
LISTENING: I and Love and You. and Murder in the City. and all of my favorite Avett songs because they make me feel all contemplative and tranquil and less miserable.


SMELLING: Caramel Praline candle from HEB. I always have it burning when I study at home, so I'm now thinking I should ask if I can bring it into my exams. Sense and memory and all that. Med school friends, would that give me an edge? TELL ME IT WOULD GIVE ME AN EDGE.

WISHING: Thanksgiving would happen. I've already begun breaking my hard-and-fast rule of no Christmas until after Thanksgiving, so I need time to speed up so I can justify becoming Mrs. Claus. I mean, other than my extreme emotionalism brought on by stress.
HOPING: There is no hope. There is nothing. 
Because I have no other options, Elrond. Leave me alone. 
WEARING: My new leopard print nightshirt. Because someone has to make law school fabulous, and most of these people show up to everything in yoga pants and oversized shirts. Sigh.

LOVING: The fact that this semester is almost over. If I make myself forget about finals, there's almost joy in my life. But really, I will be 1/6th done with law school. That fraction isn't too bad, guys.
I'm also loving my law school section. While most of them aren't necessarily people I would choose to hang out with, we are all weirdly supportive of each other. There has been literally none of the competitiveness you hear about in regards to law school. We have an enormous group message going where we pass along supplements + advice from 2Ls and 3Ls + inside jokes from class + words of encouragement/shared misery. It's kind of beautiful, guys.

WANTING: All of the things. When I'm stressed, I shop. And guys...I'm STRESSED. I'm behind on my finals study schedule + my memo is kind of a hot mess + I can't make myself read anymore. So I shop. Sorry, Dad. 

NEEDING: A break. Assurance that finals will be okay. A way out of this mess.
FEELING: I kind of feel like I might have hit the eye of the storm. Like I went through some desperate times, and shit's about to get super real, but I'm weirdly calm right now. That might be the horse tranquilizer I took, though. Whatevs.

CLICKING: An SOS message in Morse code. HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING...

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Boots & Pants & Boots & Pants

It's not that life hasn't been bloggable lately. It's just that my brain hasn't been able to translate those bloggable moments into words. Words are hard.

Two weekends ago, I went to Dallas and it was everything I needed it to be. I went for an engagement party, but that was the justification for spending the gas money to get there. Spending all my time silently disagreeing with nearly everyone is exhausting. I feel like I might understand locked-in syndrome just a teensy bit. So, weary & in serious need of some friendly souls, I packed my weekender & the Hydes were generous enough to provide shelter + alcohol + love. I squeezed in a college party where I took tequila shots with strangers + an engagement party where I saw nearly everyone dear to my heart + brunch on brunch on brunch. It was beyond perfect & I was so busy treasuring every moment that I took zero pictures. I'm the best blogger ever. 
This is the only evidence I have from that weekend.
Names remanded because I love these people too much to publicly shame them like that. 
The next weekend, I went home for Halloween. Augie is just old enough to go trick-or-treating, but not quite understand what is happening. Hi-larious. Plus, this happened:
Gretel was not taking any crap from Hansel. 
I picked up all of my winter clothes beeeeeecaaaaaaause: IT'S SWEATER WEATHER.
However, Houston is a fickle bitch. I just don't trust her to continue acting like it's fall, so I'm keeping some regular clothes handy. I just want to reemphasize that I hate it here. 

This past weekend was devoted to scholarly pursuits & achievements of all kinds:

I'm completely up-to-date on one of my outlines. 
Just a few measly sections to go over in class, and the entire thing will be done. I also got a bit done on an incredibly important memo due before Thanksgiving. As of this week, my official-hopefully-I'll-actually-follow-it finals study schedule begins. If all goes according to plan, I'll be spending my weekends completing my outlines and my weeks studying them. Goodbye, cruel world. 

I've only listened to the new T. Swift album.
Such scholarly. Much pursuits. SHE GETS ME. Seriously, I've listened to this + the radio once, but then I turned it off because they weren't playing Taylor. I spent one night last week drinking wine, laying on the floor of my apartment, and singing along at the top of my voice. I know you're all incredibly interested, so here are my faves: Wildest Dreams + Style + Clean. gottagolistenagainkthnxbye.
I'm back to Gold level on my Starbucks card.
Yes, I'm considering that an achievement. My bank account might disagree, but whatevs.

I ate a s'more.
Guys, the bar is super, super low when it comes to achievements. You've gotta cut me some slack. 

Friday, October 10, 2014

The 5 People You Meet in Law School

Quick recap of this week:

  • Spent way too much money on the down-payment on a Bar Prep course...that I won't be taking for 3 years
  • Learned that I'm beyond terrible at legal writing (which is 60% of my grade in one class)
  • Received information about applying for internships...for next summer
  • Read approximately 1,000 pages of soul-crushingly boring case law & history

In short, screw the hell out of this nonsense.

I'm 7 weeks into law school. That simultaneously feels like eons & no time at all. The semester is whizzing by -- time flies when you're having no fun at all! -- and I feel slightly ready to give a firm-ish status check. This topic has been broached many a time by better blogs than mine, but I know that y'all just love hearing me say things. 

The 5(+) People You Meet in Heaven Law School

1. Da Gunner
Take cover when the professor asks questions -- hands being raised at such high speeds have been known to cause injury. Gunners usually have a pretty solid grasp of what's going on, and they want everyone aware of it. No one's best friend, but probably good to exchange niceties in case you need some non-professorial help later. 

2. That Guy
Not quite smart enough to be a gunner, but thinks he can fake his way to the winner's circle. Most often, that means raising questions in class that slow. everything. down. As in, hypotheticals. "So hypothetically, if plaintiff had been able to stop in mid-air before he fell on the defendant and was able to negotiate terms of payment for not squishing defendant, would there have been an enforceable contract?" Legitimate question from last week. 

3. Erin Brockovich
There's always a cause. When they find out you aren't thinking about public interest law, they will treat you like a leprous combination of the Grinch & Scrooge. That is, until they hear how much that associate position at V&E pays. 

4. The Benchmark
Also known as the canary in the mine. When you're doing at least as well as this person, everything's swell. You know you need to step up your game when they can explain something better than you. They haven't started outlining yet? If you've done one class, you're good to go. They've already started their brief? Get to it. I think the key is to be one step ahead of The Benchmark at all times. Aim for the minimum + 1. 

5. Peter Pan
Ah, undergrad. It was a beautiful time. But youth is fleeting and most of us have accepted that life must go on. Peter Pans treat law school like Undergrad 2.0, going out in Midtown every weekend, talking about their high school athletics, & discussing Greek life. 
At some point, you've got to change out of your leggings + XL t-shirt, and grow up. That point is now.

6. The Mid-Life Crisis
The awkwardly old person. Mine happens to be a former OB/GYN baby boomer. It's bad enough being in school; having the person next to you be older than your parents is just not okay. At this point, you can feel the entire class shift our gaze to her when we discuss any case before 1890: Let's just ask the person who was around for this. It's disconcerting when we take notes via our computers & she whips out a feather quill. This woman is easily within 10 years of retirement. So, just a casual question: WHAT DID YOU DO WRONG THAT LAW SCHOOL WAS A BETTER CHOICE THAN BEING A DOCTOR? 

And then there's me: the resident relatively-apathetic-while-still-freaking-out, fairly-bright-but-definitely-learning-her-limitations, future-JD-seeking-future-MRS law student blogger. 
Sue me. 
A special treat: