Theven Things Thursday

I took a week off from el bloggo. Get over it. 

This is something I like to call "Theven Things Thursday" because:

- It's posted on Thursday, 

- It consists of theven seven things, 

- I like alliteration, and

- Lisps are sad and funny at the same time

     One of my Lenten disciplines is a weird & strict diet. 

It's not solely selfish; it really has been difficult & I have to be disciplined. 

So there. 

 I'm doing the Keto diet. 

It's kind of like Atkins, but I can't binge on meat, caveman-style. 

It's a little like Paleo, but doesn't restrict my love of all things dairy.
Also, sugar is the devil. 

Theven Things I Can Eat:

So…I eat a lot of meat and eggs. And cheese. 

Which may seem pretty awesome, 

but please don't be taken in by these savory seductresses. 

It gets old pretty dang fast. 

Also, I don't do things in a classy way, at all. 

I'm not having steak for dinner. 

I don't get home and prepare a gourmet cheese platter for one. 

(Although that sounds delicious & a little pathetic.)

Tonight, I ate this:

Lunch meat, cheddar cheese, & Brazil nuts. 

I'm like a giant elementary schooler. 

This is just a weird, sad version of a lunchable.

It also seems like it would do the opposite of help you lose weight. 

Not so, my friend. 

You can eat bacon & drop them pounds. 

Magic. 

However, a lady walked into the office with a box of Krispy Kreme and I almost punched her. 

I don't even like Krispy Kreme. 

But the thought of a carb being so close (and yet so far) made me punchy. 

The other thing about this Keto thing is that I can't drink beer. 

Double-edged sword, that one is. 

Beer is cheap, so I'm mad about that. 

But now I have to drink liquor. 

I don't have any other choice. (Not drinking is not an option.) 

So while you schmucks are day-drinking with common swill, 
I'll be going hard-ish with a whiskey & Diet Coke.

Fair warning: don't mention biscuits & gravy. I can't be held accountable for my actions.