Thursday, March 13, 2014

Theven Things Thursday

I took a week off from el bloggo. Get over it. 
This is something I like to call "Theven Things Thursday" because:
- It's posted on Thursday, 
- It consists of theven seven things, 
- I like alliteration, and
- Lisps are sad and funny at the same time

     One of my Lenten disciplines is a weird & strict diet. 
It's not solely selfish; it really has been difficult & I have to be disciplined. 
So there. 
 I'm doing the Keto diet. 
It's kind of like Atkins, but I can't binge on meat, caveman-style. 
It's a little like Paleo, but doesn't restrict my love of all things dairy.
Also, sugar is the devil. 

Theven Things I Can Eat:
So…I eat a lot of meat and eggs. And cheese. 
Which may seem pretty awesome, 
but please don't be taken in by these savory seductresses. 
It gets old pretty dang fast. 
Also, I don't do things in a classy way, at all. 
I'm not having steak for dinner. 
I don't get home and prepare a gourmet cheese platter for one. 
(Although that sounds delicious & a little pathetic.)
Tonight, I ate this:
Lunch meat, cheddar cheese, & Brazil nuts. 
I'm like a giant elementary schooler. 
This is just a weird, sad version of a lunchable.

It also seems like it would do the opposite of help you lose weight. 
Not so, my friend. 
You can eat bacon & drop them pounds. 

However, a lady walked into the office with a box of Krispy Kreme and I almost punched her. 
I don't even like Krispy Kreme. 
But the thought of a carb being so close (and yet so far) made me punchy. 

The other thing about this Keto thing is that I can't drink beer. 
Double-edged sword, that one is. 
Beer is cheap, so I'm mad about that. 
But now I have to drink liquor. 
I don't have any other choice. (Not drinking is not an option.) 
So while you schmucks are day-drinking with common swill, 
I'll be going hard-ish with a whiskey & Diet Coke.

Fair warning: don't mention biscuits & gravy. I can't be held accountable for my actions.

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