Thursday, June 26, 2014

Silver Lining

Things that suck:

» I applied for a credit card about a month ago and was told that they were going to need "some time" to review my application. And I haven't heard back. I've been "it's not you, it's me"-ed by the credit card company. Except it's me. It's totally, absolutely me. 
» All the blogs I want to read are in Swedish or whatever. And sometimes they trick you by writing the title in English. 
They've also perfected the art of effortless beauty, which is seriously not fair. Whatever "Perfekt Hud" and "Dagens: Voksenpuberteten" are, I want. 

» All of the apartments in Houston are expensivo. Mumsifer & I go to Houston tomorrow to find me a homestead, but I anticipate this being in my price range:
» I follow a blogger who's a model in Paris. The comparison of our lives makes me so mad, I don't even want to talk about it.
» Someone in a bar poked my hair on Saturday night. He then offered his hand and asked my name. I responded "no, thank you" and he called me a bitch. 
Considering you're unattractive and that hair pulling moving hasn't been seen since grade school, I figured you'd be used to a little rejection. Next time, I'll go easier. (Just kidding.) If anyone's wondering why I prefer Netflixing & alcohol to social interaction, I rest my case. I am retiring the bun for the foreseeable future & I give up on males entirely. 

Despite all this, there are a few bright spots in my life.   
I ate chicken + waffles, celebrated a twenty-first, & rode the Buzz Bike this weekend.
(Sorry the food got mentioned before you, Juju.)
I don't hate it. 

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude

Despite the fact that there are one million things to get done before this trip happens, 
I am choosing to focus on the trip to IRELAND my mom and I are taking in July. 
So. Excited. 
I traveled to Scotland before my semester abroad and absolutely fell in love. 
Like I-could-imagine-myself-living-there love. And Ireland is the next best thing, right? (Don't tell them I said that.)
Also I've seen P.S. I Love You & The Quiet Man about a thousand times, so I think I'm covered on Irish culture. (I'm assuming there will be attractive men as far as the eye can see.)

I'm extremely excited for this trip, but I am quite possibly the worst traveller in the history of the world. I did just fine until an overseas trip in high school during which my ear drum ruptured on the flight to Rome (Note: This was a trip for choir, and we had several performances lined up. I had to sing with a ruptured ear drum and I couldn't hear myself at all. Just the worst.). After that trip, I have been such a pansy about airsickness, carsickness, seasickness, you name it. So I have to prepare more than the average Joe for trips.

Travel Essentials 

1. Stuffed luggage: I overpack. Every time. It's a thing I've come to expect, yet I cannot stop myself. There is no way I could know if I'll need boots or sandals, so it's smartest to pack both, right? And eight scarves doesn't seem excessive at all. Look cute or die trying. 

2. Travel pillow: I spent so long completely ignorant of the beauty of the travel pillow. Now I have no fear of accidentally falling asleep on a stranger's shoulder. It's such a lovely, free way to be. 

3. Tangled earbuds: As if you'll ever pull these out of your bag tangle-free. At least it gives you something to do while the plane is taxiing. And then you can quickly pop these suckers in to avoid conversation with the person next to you (sorry, Mom). 

4. Dramamine: As mentioned above, I am a terrible flier. In order for things to go smoothly, I have to be drugged beyond comprehension. That Less Drowsy formula does. not do. it. I need to pass out before we've even left the ground. #ballerstatus

5. Themed playlist: I am the self-proclaimed queen of trip playlists. Local artists are the only acceptable music I will listen to on the way to a destination. I listened to that "500 Miles" song about 50 times while in Scotland. And no, I am not at all ashamed that my Ireland playlist includes B*Witched. C'est la vie, bitches. 

6. Gardetto's: My junk food of choice. And everyone knows calories don't count while traveling. Since I plan on eating nothing but fish and chips once I get over there, I don't think eating Gardetto's is going to make a huge difference. 

7. Tiny bottles of alcohol: Just in case the Dramamine wears off and I wake up like an elephant come off a tranq, I need a little something-something to knock me out again. When in Ireland, drink as the Irish do...

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Fantasy Feast + Fresh Features

I just made my own almond butter. And then, because the only ones I can eat are crazy expensive, I made my own protein bars with my homemade almond butter. 
Just call me Pioneer Woman. 

Except don't because I will never be a food/all-natural blogger. I'm only pretending to be healthy. If it weren't for this ridiculous diet and the fact that it's working, I would eat like the kids from Heavy Weights. 
I really miss pizza. Pizza has never been my junk food of choice, but it would be now.
 And chips. Preferably the trashiest kinds--Doritos, Cheetos, Tostitos…anything ending in "os". I'm also having weird cravings for fruit, because I can only eat small amounts of berries. And my gummy vitamins don't taste like any fruit found in nature.

Drinking is also really difficult. I can only drink liquor + no carb mixers, so I ALWAYS go big without meaning to. And I can't carb up before going out which means I get accidentally drunk a lot. And drunk/hungover food is not at all diet-friendly. It's a vicious circle. All I want is a HBCB from Whata after a long night out.

Most of the time, I do okay with cravings. Eeeeevery so often, I watch my mom eat something. That's normal, right?
But I persist.
BUT HEY! If you look up at the top of the page, there's a new feature called "H-Town"! As soon as I get all moved in & start going out & being a person, I'll start updating the interactive map with great places in Houston. Hopefully, I can actually find some great places in Houston…
I also added my Insta feed to the sidebar. As you can tell, I'm really fancying up my little country bumpkin blog. 
You're welcome.


Thursday, June 5, 2014


I took this quiz the other day:
Without even finishing the dang thing, I knew what it was going to say: I give too many.

There's this pretty serious condition I have: insecurity.
 That, combined with being raised in the South by decent human beings, ensures that I care way too much about most things. 
I know that this is not particular to me. Except sometimes, in this Age of the Hipster, it seems like it is. Hipsters & hippies -- so, the young and old alike -- are all "live and let live" about the actually important things (marriage, abortion, gender, etc), but are such try-hards about stupid things. If you dare say one non-positive thing about Bob Dylan or Neutral Milk Hotel, you will find yourself surrounded by a semi-angry, bespectacled, banjo-wielding mob. 
Never underestimate the power of a banjo.
(Also, has anyone else made the Deliverance--banjo--hipster connection?)
I was taught manners + I'm ornery (aka I don't like to bandwagon) + I'm insecure about how others see me. 
Triple threat, baby. 
Often, this is a good thing: I write thank-you notes & make military-worthy plans. 
Sometimes, it results in slight inconveniences: I show up awkwardly early to things & can appear rude in social situations.
Always, it means obsessing over everything I say or do, with the extreme worry that I may offend someone or go above-and-beyond in terms of awk. 
However, I feel like I give exactly the right amount of effs & regarding exactly the right things. 
Just know that if I seem unfriendly or standoffish, it's because I'm doing my best to not be a huge freak in public. 
I'm at my best when discussing the truly important things: my extensive knowledge of Harry Potter, movies made in the 80's, and all music ever.
"References to geeky fandoms" generally falls under "A" for awkward
Just leave me be until I've had a drink or six & have properly loosened up for normal conversation.
Don't get me wrong; I will still be awk after many drinks. I just won't be aware of it. Win-win. 

IGAF. And I always will. 
Deals are a passionate breed & we feel strongly about many things.